How To Spot An Office Stereotype

There are several stereotypes that the average office couldn’t be without. Some people are an irritating mixture of all of them.

The ‘Mad’ Person

This is the person that you get ‘warned about’ when you first start out, because they’re so ‘crazy’. If it’s a man he’ll probably demonstrate his ‘madness’ by wearing some sort of comedy tie, and if it’s a woman she’ll just have really frizzy hair.

Often heard saying: “You don’t have to be mad to work here, BUT I FUCKING AM!”

The Lady Who Talks To Herself

I had one of these once who not only talked to herself, but also swore at herself incredibly loudly and without warning. It was quite terrifying.

Often heard saying: “You stupid bitch!” or "Oh sh... sugar lumps!"

The Pervy Old Man

Possibly was attractive 30 years ago, but now resides in a corner of the office, only emerging to ‘accidentally’ graze the young female temp’s arses, and look down their tops.

Often heard saying: “Why, that’s a lovely necklace you’ve got on, dear.”

The Depressed Over-Eater

This lovely lady will spend all day eating and drinking at her desk, and then make a big deal about telling everyone around her not to tell anyone about her frequent visits to the biscuit tin.

Often heard saying: “It’s Hilda’s birthday? Oh, well it would be rude not to eat several cakes then.”

The Ex-Pretty Girl

Used to be the pretty girl, but since she started working there floods of temps have flitted in and she is now noticeably less attractive than them. She hates them. She enjoys making subtle jibes at them and littering her desk with photos of her from several years ago.

Often heard saying: "Of course, you wouldn't know that because you're new."

The Slag

Has shagged at least 4 people in the office. And has given at least 2 of them crabs.

Attire: As little as office ettiquette will allow.

The Know-It-All Temp

Self explanatory really, except the difference between a 'Know-It-All' and 'Know-It-All Temp' is that a temp doesn't actually know everything, they just think they do. The current Know-It-All Temp in my office wears a suit and a scowl every single day. I bloody hate temps, and I bloody am one.

Attire: A hideously cheap suit.

The Apathetic Worker

Admittedly, this is the majority of people. We all know office work sucks, we only work there because we’re too unimaginative and/or lazy to get a different job.

Often heard saying: "Just put it in the ‘B-1N’ file."

The Participator

Participates in everything and anything they possibly can. Possibly as a way to get out of work. You’ll be able to spot them, they’ll be the ones dressed as a Father Christmas on the 1^st of December, whilst making paper chains to string around their desks.

Often heard saying: “Next Tuesday is Pancake day! Let’s all come to work dressed like pancakes, and hang pancakes from the ceiling!”