Thursday, 27 January 2011

500 Days of Stupid

So this new girl started work the other day. She commented, as many people seem to these days, that she thought I looked like Zooey Deschanel:

I freaking wish. Just because we both have fringes. Also, she's drinking milk. I don't drink milk, silly bitch! However, vacant expression: check!

Anyway, so we talked a bit about how we both liked the film '500 Days of Summer'. Banter banter...

Later that evening we were listening to music off my phone (as we often do after work whilst closing down) and She & Him came on.

The new girl immediately screamed and said to me, "Oh my god is that She & Him? We should totally get married!" I just sort of backed away quietly, whilst thinking: did you not understand the whole fucking concept of the film?! Apparently not.

If she loved it so much then she'd remember that the film demonstrates how just because two people like the same things, it doesn't mean they're soul mates. That was, I'd say, a good 60% of the film's message. A majority.

So no, weird new girl, I will not be marrying you anytime soon, not least because you look nothing like Joseph Gordon Levitt. I suggest you re-watch the film until you feel the sense that love is a like an albatross: scary and enjoys shitting on people from a great height. Then we can all be happy. Sort of.

I apologise to Fergus, who had to listen to this banal rant more than once, as he often does with my rants. He is also not an albatross.

Monday, 24 January 2011

Feminist Rant #193

I found this very interesting. Here's the summary:

Greg Bruell, a divorced, stay-at-home father of two who, when confronted with an unwanted pregnancy, just said no. Bruell and his girlfriend had already gone through one abortion when, just months later, she found herself pregnant again. He says they'd agreed ahead of time that if she conceived again, "she'd abort without waffling." Instead, she not only had the baby, she sued him for child support.

This pickle raises all sorts of questions, the first one being: who the feff taught these people about the birds and the bees? Prevention, not cure people.

The second point is one which someone much more eloquent and concise than me made - "reproductive choice isn't a fundamental right if it's only limited to people who have internal reproductive systems." Feminism isn't succeeding by achieving change which benefits women more than men. That's not my view of what feminism should be. Feminism should strive to create a society in which the only influence someone's gender has to have is to the pronoun attributed to them.

I think in 50 years or so we will view this time as quite socially regressive in terms of feminism. Maybe not regressive, but stagnant at the least. The 60s, 70s, 80s, and even 90s had their parts to play, yet I feel as though I've been thrown into a generation of 'lipstick lesbians' and glamour models desperate for male approval. Yet more shockingly there's an entire spectrum of females letting the side down: the more dangerous end of the scale is the mindless conformity to gender roles.

Is it ironic? Is it a counter-culture? I don't give a shit. All I know is that I'm surrounded by pathetic excuses for women. Women who take the choices they are able to make for granted. Women who unconsciously and unnecessarily punish themselves for being female. Women who despite decades of fighting and change still base their self-worth on whether or not they can make a man happy.

If you want equality, you take the good with the bad, and you recognise that every gendered action you make is a choice. It's all optional, it's all reversible.
  • Your gender does not require you to do anything.
  • You are breathing.
Two facts that you were unconsciously aware of that you are now consciously aware of. They are helpful to remember every now and again, if only to appreciate how lucky we are.

Saturday, 22 January 2011


"We've begun to raise daughters more like sons ... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters." -- Gloria Steinem

Hey Jude

The song Hey Jude means a lot to me. It contains the ability to calm and offers advice on all of life’s problems in a cryptic yet concise way. This is my favourite stanza:

"So let it out and let it in
Hey Jude, begin
You're waiting for someone to perform with
And don't you know that it's just you
Hey Jude, you'll do
The movement you need is on your shoulder."

Tuesday, 18 January 2011


"Some kind of innocence is measured out in years..."

Mutton chops really suit John Lennon! Who'd have thought?!

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Green or Blue

Ellie Goulding has released a cover of Elton's 'Your Song'... and the crowd go wild.

I'm not adverse to covers, but do all these whippersnappers know that she didn't write those words? She just sang them in a slightly whiney, late-00s female-indie-vocalist style. There's a fine line between "quite simple" and bland, and she's managed to trip over that line and land flat on her face. Yes, it's embarassing for everyone involved, but Radio 1 won't let me look away.

Covers are fine. Cover 'Unchained Melody' all you want, that song's been scraped clean of all sentiment like a fat child's yoghurt pot. Elton's 'Your Song' might not be a particularly 'cool' song, or even one that people listen to a lot, but you can't deny that it packs a punch. The only way you could cover 'Your Song' and get away with it, is if you:

a) sung it in another language
b) sung it with Elton
c) sung it for charity or as a joke
d) did an instrumental

As it happens, it feels as though Ellie Goulding has nothing new to add to the song, but is merely hoping that people will forget that it's been done better in the past. You don't see painters fucking about with the Mona Lisa. (Except that guy who drew a moustache on it, but that would come under clause c) above, plus he was making a statement.)

A big part, if not the most important part of creating something artistically is knowing when it's finished: when to stop refining. It's said all it can say, let's just appreciate it as it was meant to be. Leave the classics alone and get back to your synth, love.

Friday, 14 January 2011

Overheard #35

Drunk Girl: "I've killed a horse! That's much bigger than a pheasant!"