Thursday, 31 March 2011

Tuesday, 29 March 2011

Silly Glee

I like Glee. I like that in the Valentines Day episode they covered Wings:

and it was awesome. The Warblers are totally better than those other shits whatever their names are.

But the main thing I was thinking for the majority of the episode was: how much did Gap pay them to be featured? That was ridiculous. I'm also getting sick of holiday themed episodes. Wasn't it Christmas last week? That's just lazy writing. But anyway...

You'd think that people would have had enough of silly Glee songs, but I look on YouTube and I see it isn't so.

Monday, 28 March 2011


I don't know why (probably because I had a lot of much more important work to do) but today I have been chiefly concerned with stocking my cupboards.

Not shopping, of course, I mean stockpiling. I've been finding and recording recipes which require only ingredients that can be stockpiled. I have written several different lists. It is my ultimate mission to be able to potentially feed 5 people for 4 weeks straight without having to go to the shops. Then I will totally rock.

I dislike food shopping. I hate deciding. I hate seeing the nice foods I can't afford/ don't deserve. I hate the guilt of buying ice cream and the stress of buying foods which actually go together and make meals. Ice cream and pickles is more of a delicious amuse bouche. There's never enough choice for vegetarians, especially ones who have already tried everything and dislike tofu. Mostly, I hate carrying heavy bags. That's pretty much the long and the short of it.

I saw a bloke in Tescos today, he was buying a 6 pack of lager, a pizza and one of those repulsive microwave burgers which look like they'd taste like pure misery. Chewy misery. I guess what I'm trying to say is, at least I'm not that guy.

This mission to feed people on foods which can be stored has come from nowhere. You know how they say cats and dogs can tell when there's going to be a thunder storm? I hope this isn't like that. If it is, the porridge is on me... figuratively.

Saturday, 26 March 2011

30 Days #5

Day 09 - A Song You Can Dance To

I physically have to dance to this.

Day 10 - A Song That Makes You Fall Asleep

Friday, 25 March 2011

30 Days #4

Day 07 – A Song That Reminds You of an Event

Day 08 – A Song You Know All the Words To

Thursday, 24 March 2011

30 Days #3

Day 05 – A Song That Reminds You of Someone

Day 06 – A Song That Reminds You of Somewhere

Wednesday, 23 March 2011


So there's that ridiculous saying, 'Never work with children or animals' that I've considered lately. I don't understand why anyone wouldn't want to work with children - they're the most interesting and hilarious people in the world. Honestly, I'd really like to know why people don't want to work with children. Do they find them annoying or scary? Have these people actually spent much time with children?

I spent this morning being called 'Mrs Ostrich', because 5 year-olds can apparently neither hear nor distinguish between a Miss and a Mrs (I suppose all adults are horrifically old anyway), and reading this amusingly titled book. Oh, then counting with money which led to many pennies in mouths, on the floor, and then back in mouths again, and a carpet time which featured the dramas of two lots of tears, a bee sting that turned out to be a freckle, and a nose bleed. Fabulous, I know.

It's every bit as fun as it sounds, and no, I'm not being sarcastic. I do feel a bit as though someone will turn up any minute and say, "No, sorry, this isn't a real job, this is far too fun and rewarding".

It doesn't have to be a hilarious moment, like the time a little girl tried to write 'because' and wrote 'booze' instead, or when they all put on their jumpers backwards as a joke. I spent this afternoon teaching a little boy how to add 10 to numbers up to 50. He told me he was stupid, I said I didn't believe him. In less than 20 minutes he was adding 10 to numbers over 100, and the beaming grin on his little face at the end of the lession is what it's all about. He'll be able to do that for the rest of his life.

Children, especially the young-ish ones, can smell fakery, fear and incompetence a mile off. Luckily for me, they will forgive the last two. 99% of the children I've worked with have been absolutely lovely people. They're much less set in their ways than adults, which seems obvious, but it's incredibly encouraging to know that if Rudolph is being a little bugger today, tomorrow he will probably be charming again. And no, I have no idea where the name Rudolph came from, but I've heard much worse.

30 Days #2

Day 03 – A Song That Makes You Happy

Day 03 – A Song That Makes You Sad

I made it 13 seconds.

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

You Mean A Career?

John Cusack doesn't act, he just shows up... usually with a boombox.

30 Days #1

Since I like the concept of this, but have no intention of annoying people on facebook, I will put it here.

Have you noticed people posting an inordinate amount of songs on facebook lately? Isn’t this annoying? Yes. Does anyone care? No. I’m glad we cleared that up. I actually blocked someone because they posted a song every day for about a month and it pissed me off so much that it was that or cut off their toes with a rusty spoon.

I’m also not posting one a day, because I don’t want to and I don’t have to. What are you, the song police? Well, fuck you, officer!

Day 01 - Your Favourite Song

I couldn’t decide on my favourite song, obviously, so this is the most listened to song on my ipod.

Day 02 - Your Least Favourite Song

I couldn’t think of one, so instead I’ll just put up this hilarious video, which gives me faith in mankind.

Monday, 21 March 2011

Overheard #36

Big-Titted Woman: [shouting in H&M] "Where are all the big-titted bras, for big-titted women?!"

You What

Tuesday, 15 March 2011


I like my coffee how I like my TV shows... repetitious.

10 Beatles Album Tracks That Are Still Better Than The Shite They Make Today

...yeah, what she said. By album tracks I mean songs that were never released in the UK as either an A or B side.

10. I Me Mine (Let It Be)

9. It's Only Love (Help!)

8. I Need You (Help!)

7. In My Life (Rubber Soul)

6. Hey Bulldog (Yellow Submarine)

5. Oh! Darling (Abbey Road)

4. You've Got to Hide Your Love Away (Help!)

3. The Fool On The Hill (Magical Mystery Tour)

2. Dear Prudence (The Beatles/The White Album)

1. Martha My Dear (The Beatles/The White Album)

Thursday, 10 March 2011


So I'm not sure whether or not I metioned the fact that I judge people by their favourite Beatles songs. I think it probably goes without saying, actually. I do. I once met a meth dealer who I thought was a perfectly nice guy until he told me his favourite Beatles song was 'Twist and Shout'. Fucking lunatic.

So, I found a list of Douglas Adam's favourite Beatles songs... let's judge:

1. Hey Jude (Bingo!)
2. A Day in the Life
3. Drive My Car (WTF?)
4. Don't Let Me Down
5. I Will
6. If I Fell
7. Hello Goodbye
8. Rain
9. Martha My Dear
10. Strawberry Fields
11. We Can Work it Out
12. This Boy
13. Ticket to Ride
14. Can't Buy Me Love
15. All You Need is Love
16. Fixing a Hole
17. And Your Bird can Sing
18. She's a Woman
19. You Can't do That (... really?)
20. Here, There & Everywhere.

We have the same favourite song! Martha My Dear for the bloody win. Ok, so from my scientific analysis I have deducted that Douglas Adams was an awesome guy. Quite sentimental and a little bit cheeky... but not a Ringo fan.

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Books 'n' That

As a literature student, people seem vaguely interested in what I read. The sad truth is that because I'm an English Literature student, I don't have time to read.

I pretty much only read half of what I'm supposed to as it is, and I would say I'm often one of the only 3 people in a seminar who have read the book at all, skimmed it, or even bothered to glance at the wikipedia entry. I do also have a genius way of reading (I can't remember where I learnt it), that's basically allowed me to read approximately 2 novels a week when needed.

These are the top 10 books that right now, had I the time:

10. 'Other Voices, Other Rooms' - Truman Capote

I'd like to see the extent of his talent, and whether or not he is overrated, which I suspect he is.

9. 'Porno' - Irvine Welsh

Anything written by this genius will do.

8. 'American Psycho' - Bret Easton Ellis

Crazy, crazy 80's nobs.

7. 'The Outsider' / 'The Myth of Sisyphus' - Albert Camus

I always hear interesting stuff about both of them, mostly from Fergus, but also in lectures.

6. 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'/'But Gentlemen Marry Brunettes' - Anita Loos

I love Lorelei, she's a crazy old whore.

5. 'The Talented Mr. Ripley' - Patricia Highsmith

Yeah, I liked the film, so judge me.

4. 'On The Road' - Jack Kerouac

I hear good things.

3. 'Libra' - Don DeLilo

God I love JFK conspiracy theories. In other news.

2. 'Kafka on the Shore' - Haruki Murakami

Kafka, Murakami... what's not to like?

1. Any good biography/autobiography of any of The Beatles (except George), or Woody Allen.

... and here are the books which I have begun and abandoned since being on this course, which I would finish given half the chance:

'How to be Good' - Nick Hornby

'Crime and Punishment' - Fyodor Dostoevsky

'The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy' - Douglas Adams

'How the Dead Live' - Will Self

I'd also really like to read a magazine and not feel guilty and like all it's doing is increasing my carbon footprint and filling my brain with sexist shite.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011



John Lennon interviews are always interesting, and often very odd indeed.

Interviewer: Your first book sold in 350,000 copies, it came out this year, is that right?
John Lennon: That's right!
I: ...that's right. And tell me, you brought three of your friends, could you please introduce me?
JL: Yes - there's George Parasol, Ringo Stone, and Paul McCharmly.
I: And did they have anything to do with your book? Did they help you, did they hinder you in any way?
JL: No, they typed it out for me.
I: That's right, I mean they can spell?
JL: Oh, they spell very greatly.
I: ...that's nice.

Interviewer: Ringo, is Ringo your real name or is it a nickname?
Ringo: It's a nickname.
Interviewer: How did the Ringo thing come about?
Ringo: Because I wear four rings.
Interviewer: Wow!
John: I'm not called Ringo. [shows his hands]
Paul: He's called Hando.

Sunday, 6 March 2011

Jack Rabbit Slims

I think we found a name for the tearoom.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Little Feminist

So feminism is working, then? Hooray!

Apparently this little girl envisions hoards of men "running out" and asking her to marry them. But if she doesn't have a job, she will tell them exactly where to stick it! "Fine! I'll find a different man - this is my life!"

It's nice to see something encouraging instead of enraging in the field of feminism. My favourite bit is: "I don't care if I marry you, I don't care if I marry another man... I care if I do something that's special." This girl is considerably wiser than the majority of women older than her. Bravo, little feminist!