Saturday, 23 February 2008

I wonder

Am I really hungry, or just bored?

I Love You, but You Love Meat

The New York Times recently featured this article about the effects of different diets in relationships. (Yes, I did have an immature little giggle over the dodgy title).

This is just yet more proof to me that some people are over-fussy idiots. I'm vegetarian, and I used to be vegan, I never had the issues some of these people have.

That's not to say that their issues aren't valid. If you're vegetarian/vegan I think it goes without saying that you wouldn't want your food to have touched meat. Similarly, if you have a diet based on religious views of course it's fair enough to use separate utensils/pans. But to make unrealistic, overly-fussy and unnecessary requests purely because the person is a 'picky eater' is just ridiculous.

I've heard of vegetarians not eating food that's been on the same shelf in the fridge as meat. This is stupid, and in turn these vegetarians are equally stupid. They give us all a bad name (just like PETA, but I shan't go into that now). If it's unacceptable to impose religious beliefs on someone, surely it's unacceptable to impose ethical beliefs, and call me odd but it just doesn't make sense to me to tell other people what they should eat.

Diets are a personal thing, I'm an incredibly fussy eater, and I've lived with meat-eaters all my life but it's never been an issue.

If I cook I make vegetarian food. If other people want to add meat to it, that's fine, it would probably be better with meat in it anyway: but I'll never understand why people make being vegetarian such a big deal.

And as for those self-richeous wankers that think be not eating meat makes them better than everyone else - I'll tell them where they can shove their tofu.

I'm better than everyone else because I rock, it's got nothing to do with what I eat... and what I eat has nothing to do with anything.

Monday, 18 February 2008


I always liked coming home to an empty house. Call me odd, but I like being on my own.

When I was working from home everyday and I’d have the house to myself and it was fantastic. I got loads done, made the house nice and tidy, and it was fun. Then everyone else came home and they’d mess up the house, tell me I’d done nothing all day and complain.

I’ve always liked being on my own. I’m not entirely sure why this is. It might be because I’m an anti-social bitch, it might be because I’m a control-freak, or it might just be that I like solitude, I don’t know. I just prefer to do things at my own pace.

So far this only applies to family, and it will be interesting to see if it applies to my friends when I’m living with them. I don’t think it will though, the difference being they won’t be telling me what to do, and I won’t feel the compulsion to do what they tell me to. Ner ner ner ner ner.
This is probably because I’m always right. Fact. Whenever I do things at my own pace it’s always much quicker than anyone else’s way. Fact.

You Can Dance

Loves it!

Sunday, 17 February 2008

Purple Haze

I've decided I'm dying my hair purple once I start university.

I think purple hair would probably make me unemployable (not that I seem incredibly employable anyway at the moment, but still).

It will be a very deep purple for two reasons:
  1. My hair's naturally dark already
  2. Overtly-fake coloured hair makes people look like twats

I may be contradicting myself somewhat there, but I have my reasons.

I'd also like to note that this has nothing to do with the band Deep Purple, or even Prince... or Nymphadora Tonks.

Saturday, 16 February 2008


The Queen:
"Now here you see, it takes all the running you can do to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
-- 'Through the Looking Glass, Lewis Carroll'

How depressingly true.

Friday, 15 February 2008

Top 5 ‘Side-Ones Track-Ones’

I've just finished watching High Fidelity... good God that film's fantastic!

As if I haven't gone on about it enough, I thought I'd do another one of the film's infamous lists. This time I've chosen Top 5 ‘Side-Ones Track-Ones’. I can't remember what Nick Hornby said his were in the book/film, but I do remember that I 'borrowed' one of his answers, purely because it was a perfect answer.

Here we go:

1. White Light White Heat – The Velvet Underground, The Velvet Underground

Brilliant song. I considered putting a Lou Reed song in this list, and if my conscience allowed me I would have, but it seemed rather unfair.

2. Come Together – Abbey Road, The Beatles

One of the best Beatles albums ever, but that in itself deserves another list! This song reminds me of the 'Paul is Dead' conspiracy, which is why it's so cool.

3. The Village Green Preservation Society - The Kinks are the Village Green Preservation Society, The Kinks

Marvellously English. God save strawberry jam, and all the different varieties!

4. Changes - Hunky Dory, David Bowie

I found this album on vinyl for £2 in a charity shop, and now it graces my bedroom wall. It's an amazing album, possibly my favourite David Bowie album.

5. William, It Was Really Nothing - Hatful of Hollow, The Smiths

Yes, compliation albums do count! Morrissey graces the fine line between 'genius' and 'tosser' beautifully. Personally, I think he couldn't be more of a genius.

So there you have it. I must now trawl charity shops in search of all of these albums on vinyl. Adieu!

Thursday, 14 February 2008

Valentine's Day

I don't like Valentine's Day, but I feel obliged to mention it.

As usual, Robert Smith is here to help. Regardé:

This song is beyond perfect.

I remember seeing a Robert Smith quote that said that all the songs he writes are about his wife. He's always going on about his wife. Which is lovely, especially at the age of 48.

Which is the type of sentiment that Valentine's Day should be about. Fuck flowers.

Wednesday, 13 February 2008

How to Fly Long-Haul

I’ve just got back from a 22 hour flight, and aside from having the sudden compulsion to listen to Prince I think I’m feeling pretty alright. I thought I’d share my wisdom for others going on long-haul or any flights really.

What to wear:
  • Cabins are always freezing. Unless you’re flying somewhere hot, in which case it will be freezing whilst flying and boiling during decent and landing. So wear layers – you’ll need a cardigan/jumper/hoody.
  • Slip-on shoes. For going through security, (depending on which airport) and because it’s just easier to put them on again quickly when you get off the plane.
  • It doesn’t really matter what trousers you wear, I nearly always change into pajamas. Just don't wear a skirt.
  • Remember that if you’re dressed smartly, you’re more likely to get upgraded. But sometimes it’s not worth wearing uncomfortable smart clothes to get upgraded, so I’m not so bothered anymore.

What to take:

  • An empty water bottle (preferably 750ml or more)
  • Pen and paper – because being confined for a long period of time is the perfect opportunity to get some writing done
  • A book
  • A laptop (check with the airline first to see if they can charge them up for you, because some only do that for business class – cheeky sods)
  • Flight socks (the socks they give you aren’t flight socks – they’re shite socks, so buy proper flight socks)
  • Pajama bottoms (they’re far more comfortable, and who cares what you look like, I’m not risking DVT by wearing skinny jeans for 15 hours)
  • Ear plugs (or noise-cancelling earphones)
  • An eye mask
  • Any food you might want (remembering you can’t take fruit, vegetables, seeds etc. off the plane)
  • Any other entertainment you might want (but to be honest, I find the films enough entertainment and the rest of the time is spent sleeping)
  • A pillow (the ones they give you are crap)
  • A spare top (because sometimes a change of clothes is nice, especially if you’re planning on having a shower in a stopover)
  • Your frickin' passport

Must be less than 100ml containers, and in a see-through zip-lock bag:

  • E45, or any good moisturiser
  • Eye drops (I use Optrex)
  • Deodorant spray (Nivea do a small, non-aerosol spray)
  • Vaseline
  • Face wipes (with moisturiser in)
  • ‘Liz Earle’ Skin Tonic (which is made in small aeroplane sizes too)
  • Toothpaste and toothbrush

Other Tips:

  • Sleep! As much as you possibly can! To hell with time difference, sleep when you can.
  • Drink! Water that is! If you don’t drink you’ll emerge from the plane so shrivelled you’ll look more like a raisin than your passport photo, and they won’t let you in the country. I use a rule of 1litre of water per 6 hours of flying.
  • You may (as I was today) be sat next to a particularly smelly individual. For me it was an old lady sat on the other side of the aisle to me who smelled like pure evil. She really did. And no, it wasn’t my mother for a change. A way to sort of get round this is to be sneaky whilst going through duty free – spray your sleeves of your cardigan/jumper/hoody with your favourite perfume so you can sniff that in case of any smelly buggers in the vicinity.
  • It’s always a good idea to get an alternative meal, as they are often nicer. But then again, if it’s nice food you’re after – I suggest you bring your own.
  • If your seat is broken: complain, because they will probably upgrade you.
  • Online check-in is your friend. Just make sure you don’t get seats near the back of the cabin at the end of the row, or you’ll have people queuing for the toilet next to you whilst you’re trying to sleep.
  • If you have a stopover, then most airports have showers you can use. They give you a towel all that jazz - once we got a free drink. These are usually about $5, but really they’re invaluable.
  • Most airports also have places where you can get massages/facials/etc. These are a good way to spend stopover time, and they’re usually quite cheap.
  • If you have a stopover in Singapore, there’s a free cinema on the 1st floor near the hotel. We had 6 hours in there once and watched this terrible Eddie Murphy film about a haunted house, but it was better than spending 6 hours in duty free or sat in a corridor.
  • If you have a choice of airlines, I thought Singapore Airlines was the best, but BA and Virgin are also good. Emirates aren't fantastic, but they gave me noodles for breakfast so I'll forgive them.

Ok, so it's all pretty basic knowledge, but it's handy to have a reference and I shall certainly be following my own advice on the next long-haul flight I go on.

Monday, 11 February 2008

Upside Down

I'm on the wrong side of the world.

You know when you hang upside down, and all the blood rushes to your head and you become delirious? I think that explains Australians pretty well. Certain Australians, anyway. I've met some perfectly lovely Australians, admittedly, but the annoying far outweigh the amiable.

Luckily, I'm on my way home tomorrow, so I'll soon be the right way up again. I shall be once again well and truly upright, uptight, and forthright* - all marvellously English traits.

Enough of this Aussie delirium: I'm bloody well English.

*Apologies to the man who I shouted “Get out of the bloody way!” to yesterday in Chinatown... despite the fact that he most definitely deserved a good berating.

The Golden Rule

I come from a family where the rule seems to be:

"If you can't think of anything intelligent to say, then sing the first words that come into your head as loudly as possible."

Unfortunately for most members of my family, this means they are singing loudly a great deal of the time - much to my annoyance.

Friday, 8 February 2008

Chinese New Year

Happy Chinese New Year!
I am told that 2008 is the year of the rat. Which is a good thing as far as I can see.
The year of the rat is said to be "a time of hard work, activity, and renewal". It's apparently a good year to start a new project, being resourceful and patient is said to be a good thing too.

As for me, I'm off the Melbourne's China Town tonight to see the celebrations!

Thursday, 7 February 2008

Eddie Izzard

Happy Birthday to everyone’s favourite executive transvestite: Eddie Izzard! He is 46 years old today!

Edward John “Eddie” Izzard.

He was born on this day, silly, that’s why it’s his birthday! On the 7th February 1962.

He was born in Yemen... lolz.

He’s a comedian, of course! And a damn fine one at that. He typically rambles a bit, maybe talks a bit in French, adds a bit of surrealism… whilst wearing women’s clothing. He’s also done some acting, but I haven’t met a single person that cites ‘Ocean’s 13’ as their favourite movie. To be fair, Eddie was the best thing in that bloody film - drag or no drag. Oh, he was also in Velvet Goldmine, which is a damn fine film about glam rock stars – it comes highly recommended… from me.

Anyway, Eddie Izzard comes pretty close to my concept of the perfect man, however odd that makes me. I also highly recommend his website, check out the ‘Thingy-Things’, particularly the ‘hod-d-d-d’ which I’m considering as my new msn messenger sound.

Paint It Black

Having black nails is no longer just for goths, it seems. It's become less faux-pas and more tres-cool. In my opinion, anyway.

I was painting my nails with black nail varnish today, as I often do, and it got me thinking about the social ettiquette of nail varnish.

So, as I glanced at my seemingly naked toe-nails, and wondered whether or not it would be acceptable to paint them black. Generally, toe-nails are painted red or pink. I'm sure some people paint their toe-nails black, but the question is - are these people twats?

After much soul-searching I decided the answer was probably, and painted my toe-nails pink.

Saturday, 2 February 2008


Since when is it February?!


I'm in Australia.

Fancy that.

I've been here for about 3 days now, and I've spent most of my time shopping, watching TV, and drinking tea. Basically, the same as I do in England.

I'm currently sat pretending to be watching 'Happy Feet' with my cousin, I like the thought of Prince as a penguin, that amuses me. What doesn't amuse me is the not-so-subtle references to penguin sex, which seem inappropriate and unnecessary in this film, but there we go.

Australian TV is so goddamn awful we spend most of the time watching UKTV, occasionally American, but I don't think I've seen a single Australian TV show since I've been here. Anyway, why am I talking so much about TV, "this city has a diverse culture," don't you know!

Today we drove down a country road which went on for miles (well, kilometers over here). We saw some kangaroos sat under a tree in a huddle, it was so cute. It was the first time some people in my family have seen kangaroos in the wild. I saw one a few years ago but noone believed me for some reason. But I did! Honest I did!

Obviously I've done more things here in the last 3 days than what I've said here. Some of it's been less boring, some of it's been more boring. I'm not really taking any of it in,I think I'm possibly being far too nonchalant about the whole thing.

Goodness me, I think I've got sunstroke - I'm not making a lot of sense today. More updates from down-under later!

...And they'll make sense

... I promise.