Tuesday, 31 May 2011


Not-First Songs

I tend to be a bit fickle when it comes to music. I'll like an artist, then I'll be like screw you, I'm bored. But here are a few songs that are not iconic or ones you immediately think of, but are still ruddy good.

Dolly Parton – Here You Come Again

Train – If It's Love

Jay Z – H To The Izzo

This right here… this is how you sample a classic motown song. How many people even noticed he samples The Jackson 5’s ‘I Want You Back’?

Blondie – X Offender

Gwen Stefani – Early Winter

Supergrass – Pumping On Your Stereo

No Doubt – Sunday Morning

Pretenders – Message of Love

Weird stutter guy at the beginning, but the performance is wonderful.

So there we are. Two appearances from Gwen Stefani, but that's because I think she's incredibly underrated.

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Ponycorn Adventure

This is utterly adorable, and I've wasted a lot of time playing it so you should too.

Saturday, 28 May 2011

Tea Minus One

Home is where I want to be
But I guess I'm already there
I come home, she lifted up her wings

I guess that this must be the place
I can't tell one from another
Did I find you, or you find me?
There was a time before we were born
If someone asks, this where I'll be...

Friday, 27 May 2011

Tea Minus Two

I'm going to write a letter to my true love, I'm going to sign my name - like a pigeon on a table, waddle walk again...

Thursday, 26 May 2011

Tea Minus Three

I will get drunk and demand this as a duet at some point in the future.

Wednesday, 25 May 2011

Tea Minus Four

... and then I'll bring you corpses as gifts and leave them on your doorstep like a cat.

Yesterday Encore

Well, this is embarassing...

... you can see he's considering doing the rapper hand gestures, but he knows he can't pull it off.

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Monday, 23 May 2011


"Do or do not. There is not try." -- Yoda

Tea Minus Six

... but of course we all prefer the Beyonce version.

JOKOS, moloko drinkers!

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Friday, 20 May 2011

Tea Minus Nine

... and don't forget the drugs.

Thursday, 19 May 2011

Je Ne Sais Quoi

I don't know what. I hate that phrase. I hate that phrase, because it doesn't always make sense.

Like in The Graduate where Mrs Robinson's all drunk-face-tits-out and pretending she doesn't want a jolly good rogering from Dustin Hoffman, and she's like "Well if you won't sleep with me then I don't know what." ... that's not a sentence, love. That doesn't make sense.

He's going to marry your daughter anyway, so you might as well spare him the STDs on the way and put your bra back on. Maybe she means, "Well if you won't sleep with me then I don't know what I've got my tits out for." Maybe. Maybe it's an old way of talking. Maybe it's a slaggy way of talking. Maybe I'll stop saying maybe...? ...Maybe...

Or maybe not.

Tea Minus Ten

The Fergus Countdown Begins...

...return of the mac, return of the mac... here come the hotstepper, he's a lyrical gangster... etc. In celebration, here are some songs that I can now listen to without having a nervous breakdown...

Wednesday, 18 May 2011


So university is slowly and painfully drawing to and end. Who knows what will happen when it does, but if the last 20 minutes is anything to go by, I'll be watching a lot of Boy Meets World on YouTube. But seriously, how did they ever manage to get 7 seasons out of Sabrina the Teenage Witch, yet only one of Twin Peaks? Maybe it's like how clever people only have one child because they're intelligent to know that one perpetual version of them is more than enough.

That's my favourite and least favourite thing about YouTube: the related videos. Jeebus, I could and do spend hours watching useless shite from 20 years ago. WHENTHISBOYMEETSWOOORLD,BOYMEEEEETSWOOORLDDD.

So, the point of this ramble being that I'm looking forward to finishing uni, so I can use my time much less productively. It's impossible to procrastinate when you have nothing important to do. Think about it. What I think I'm trying to say through this post is... if I have gained anything from my degree, it's probably about or on YouTube.

Tuesday, 17 May 2011

5 Songs About Trains

Pardon me boy, is that the chattanooga choo choo? ...Why I do believe it is!

5. Thomas the Tank Engine Theme

4. Hey Soul Sister - Train

3. Chattanooga Choo Choo - Glenn Miller

2. Train In Vain - The Clash

1. Midnight Train To Georgia - Gladys Knight

What is it about locomotives that inspire such good music? Riddle me that, trainspotters!

Monday, 16 May 2011

Oh, High Fidelity

Is High Fidelity just The Graduate only not very similar at all?

I think I may be on to something here. No, I don't have to reference those films, or the original novels (Hornby and Webb, respectively) or even italicise the motherfuckers, because this piece of writing is not marked. Except by the internet people, and they give everything a Damien. That's right - nil pwah cherie!

Wrap your peeping gear around this slice of entertainment gateaux, the last scene of High Fidelity:

There he goes, snapping his headphones onto his manchild-typecasted ears with a knowing look. Well, you don't know Mr Cusack/Gordon/Flemming! You don't know the half of it, love!

This is what I mean by similar to The Graduate. The way I see it is that the ending of High Fidelity can be read in two ways:

1. Happy Ending

2. Rob basically sells out and decides being boring is easier than being unhappy.

Proof for the second point. Right - remember in the film where Jack Black refuses to sell Stevie Wonder 'I Just Called To Say I Love You' to a customer because it's "sentimental tacky crap"? Rob agrees, yet at the end of the film there he goes blasting away the shit out of sentimental Stevie. And yeah, I do like that song, but I find it an inappropriate yet funky choice for this point in the film.

I think it's probably somewhere in between. Let's consider this scene:

... in which Rob is a bit of an idiot. But that's not the point. The point is she understands what he's saying and isn't angry at him for expressing it in a fucking stupid way.

So I've swung between liking the ending and hating it, and deciding that they're both boring but then thinking actually, are they boring...? Because Stevie Wonder is pretty cool, really. Her fringe is distractingly wonky, and he's a grumpy old perv. But really, does talking all this practical rhubarb about being tired really go hand in hand with 'I believe when I fall in love with you it will be forever'? Not really. Maybe 'I believe when I fall in love with you we have a one in three chance of divorce'. That would make a lot more sense, but I don't think Stevie Wonder did that song.


This is what people who say they like Elton John are talking about - this guy right here with the fabulous shoulders.

I'd also like to point out that Elton didn't come out until 1976, and this was filmed in 1974. If you ask me, he came out the second he referred to himself as a bitch and shimmied his feathery shoulders about like a tart.

Wednesday, 11 May 2011


Eternal Sunshine Of The Scratched iPod

For technical reasons beyond my understanding, I had to restore my ipod today. I feel utterly evil.

We become attached to our ipods. I must have viewed mine as a tiny rodent-type electronic creature, because as I heard its little brain ticking over as I wiped its shiny little memory, I felt like a complete bastard. This is like euthanasia for the 21st century, or some deep shit like that.

So I wiped the memory, and re-synced it with an almost identical itunes library. I imagine what I've just done is on a par with Jim Carey and Kate Winslet in Eternal Sunshine. Re-pieced together, but not quite the same, and never entirely sure why. Right now, for all I know, my ipod could be having dreams of when it was a little fresh-faced, top of the range ipod video. Now, with its cracked screen and scratched mirrored casing, it could be reminiscing over its short but brutal life: tucked in bras, nestled in coat pockets, stood on a kitchen counter, blasting The Beatles as I swear over meringue that won't stiffen... Good times. Crazy days.

Hopefully my ipod will forgive me for the horrid trickery I have played upon it. I do feel awful about it, but it was for its own good, really.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Music Channels

Remember life before YouTube? I know, I'd rather not either, but let's go there. If you wanted to watch a specific music video then forget about it, you either had to text or call into a music channel (at £50 a second) or wait until some other chump requests the song you want. Or, tape the videos you liked, but even then you had to wait for it to come on in the first place, and you were probably so preoccupied with your Supersticker Machine that you missed the very beginning, and the second it finishes you've got the last half hour of an episode of ER your mum taped last Thursday whilst she was at Weight Watchers.

But now, we don't have to wait for hours just to see one godamn 3 minute music video. That's not saying that some of those videos were totally worth waiting hours to watch. Here are a few examples:


"Awww but it's the best pooooorrrrtttttt!"

...as if we needed more proof that Britney's from Mars.


Yeah, you can't blame past-Sophie for having dodgy taste in music, I was a child afterall. Plus, Mariah's always awesome.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Top 10 Neglected Artists

Following the Glee theme for this week. I thought they did pretty shite at choosing neglected artists - Aretha? What? So here's my own top 10 neglected (or perhaps 'underappreciated') artists:

10. The Cranberries - Linger

9. Steve Miller Band - Take The Money And Run

8. Eels - Novocaine For The Soul

7. Goldfrapp - Ride On A White Horse

6. J Geils Band - Centerfold

5. Lightspeed Champion - Tell Me What It's Worth

4. Lykke Li - I'm Good, I'm Gone

3. Cerys Matthews - The Ballad of Tom Jones

2. Tammi Terrell - Ain't No Mountain High Enough

1. The Beatles! ... Just kidding.

Filofax Funtimes

If I didn't have my filofax I think my world would implode. It's something I'm used to having, it tells me what to do, (or rather, past me tells future me what to do). It reminds me of things I mean to do, things I need to be prepared for, and how much time I need to do each thing.

I would strongly advise you get a filofax. I don't know who you are, but you need one. WHSmiths have a sale on at the moment... just so you know.

I have 4 post-it coloured bookmarks, which remind me:
  • Important Events
  • Important To Do (Work)
  • Important To Do (Home)
  • Targets
That picture is not of my filofax, but it is of a crackin' example. You can get all sorts of pretty colours, papers and fancy things to put in it. You can keep notes and business cards in the pockets. I have a ziplock attachment which I keep teabags in, because yes I am that sad. I have a pocket for my USB, different areas for different lists, an underground map and many, many pens. I'm loving life.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Songs That Remind Me Of My Parents

My parents are pretty much losers, especially when it comes to music. My Mum likes Robbie Williams and Rod Stewart, and my Dad is still listening to the same Disco and Motown tapes he's always had.

However, there are the top 5 songs that they always listen to. Maybe I've been desensitised to them through years of overplaying, but I quite like these ones...

1. Stevie Wonder - I Was Made To Love Her

2. Jackson 5 - Got To Be There

3. The Beatles - When I'm 64

4. Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Dancing (only for those with a strong tolerance for falsetto... or George)

5. Rose Royce - Car Wash