Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Dumb Blonde

For those of you (mostly Fergus) who think Marilyn Monroe was stupid and annoying...

...here she is reading Ulysses by James Joyce (a book which I've yet to summon the courage to attempt).

What a bloody fantastic woman. I love her even more now.


I watched Factory Girl the other day.

Monday, 30 March 2009

Top 5 Michael Jackson Songs

We were listening to Michael Jackson at work last night, and it made me realise that people automatically like his music. Not so much the man, but let’s ignore that, and focus on the fact that he made some darn good music. I hope he doesn’t keel over and die during his tour, but if he does, hopefully in a hundred years his music will still be around but people will have forgotten what a freaky old bastard he is.

YouTube won't let me post the videos, because they're nobjockeys, but you know how the songs go anyway, and if you don't - shame on you - go and live in a rabbit warren.

5. Billie Jean
It’s amazing how a song about the reckless relinquishing of parental responsibilities has become so iconic. It just goes to know, people will like anything with a good beat.

4. Black or White
I just like the song. The rap is pretty hilarious too.

3. Don’t Stop Til You Get Enough
I think it was pretty much all down hill from here in terms of his appearance and sanity, but it is a bloody faboosh song, I was dancing around to it just yesterday. The video is odd, all I can remember was thinking he was dancing in front of fudge when I was little. Oh, and that his trousers were too short.

2. The Way You Make Me Feel
Oh Christ the video to this is just embarrassing, in particular the thrusting. I actually screamed in disgust when I saw that – that was one of the worst moments of my life.

1. Rock With You
Funky song. Extra points for the glittery number he’s wearing in the video (in particular the boots), minus some points for the dodgy thrusting.

To conclude, I don’t recommend watching the videos, so it’s probably a good thing YouTube are being meanies and not letting us watch any, because his thrusting and trying to be cool will only put you off. It’s a shame he’s gone and diluted his talent by being a kooky cock, but then most very famous people do.

Sunday, 29 March 2009


Face it: you would.

Bloody Hell

I was asked at work if I had any hangover cures, I said just a Bloody Mary, but then they're revolting so I wouldn't advise it.

After a bit of research I found that there are several variations on the Bloody Mary, and here are a few:

Bloody Fairy - Vodka replaced with absynthe
Bloody Maria - Vodka replaced with tequila
Bloody Pirate - Vodka replaced with dark rum
Bloody Jane - Vodka replaced with LSD
Bloody Hell - Vodka thrown over your head, which is then set on fire.

Ok, so I made up the last one, but I think it might catch on... if you'll excuse the pun.

Saturday, 28 March 2009


"If someone were to harm my family or a friend or someone I love - I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years - but I would eat them."

-- Johnny Depp

Wednesday, 25 March 2009

Posh Nob

As much as I hate them, sometimes posh kids surprise you.

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

Overheard #13

Man in pub: Is it called the Immaculate Conception because there was like no jizz and stuff?
Friend of man in pub: Yeah, but I don't think you're supposed to say it.

Monday, 23 March 2009

Back With A Vengeance

I know I haven't done one of these for ages, but you know... I forgot about them, and then I remembered and couldn't be bothered quite frankly, Mr. Shankley!

So... what's rocking and what's shockin? What's bitchin' and what's itchin'? What's awesome and what's... shit?

Easter - Well, not actually Easter, but the holidays have begun! Everyone is off uni, and now it's only a matter of time before Fergus is back too!

Money - I'm working lots while I'm on holiday, so hopefully I'll have a bit of spare money, because work = money!

Summer - I have plans for summer, and I like making plans and I also like summer so hoorah for everything!

Work - I'm working lots. It's tiring.

Ukulele - Dent May is cool.

Dust - Makes me sneeze. I'm allergic to it, and it's everywhere... even if you're uber clean.

Sunday, 22 March 2009

Tired Graph

Here is a graph which crudely explains my method of listening to music in the mornings:

Most mornings it would be unadvisable for you to talk to me before around 9am. The Danger Zone, means the only circumstances in which it would be advisable to talk to me is incase of fire or alien invasion. The Danger Zone can be indentified the following ways:
  1. Sophie has had less than 5 hours sleep
  2. Sophie is awake before 7am
  3. Sophie has managed to get up, go the toilet and make a cup of tea with her eyes still closed
  4. Sophie has mascara all over her face due to not having seen a mirror yet
  5. Sophie has sneezed more than 3 times in a row or more than 6 times in a minute
  6. Sophie is listening to The Boo Radleys - Wake Up Boo

Friday, 20 March 2009

Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele

Dent May & His Magnificent Ukulele - Meet Me In The Garden

I like-a this song-a, and you might-a too-a! He is Rick Astley, Jamie Cullum and Elton John's geeky lovechild... armed with a ukulele.


Why don't you...

answer the next question you are asked with, "No, it's just the way my trousers hang"


Wednesday, 18 March 2009

Jung Hearts Run Free

...I've officially watched Mercutio sing that too many times.

According to this Jungian personality majigy I did (ages ago, but forgot about it) personalities can fit into 16 categories. You are either:

Extroverted or Introverted
Sensing or iNtuitive
Thinking or Feeling
Judging or Perceiving

Depending on what mix of these two you are, you will get a different outcome which will be in the form of 4 letters. I am, according to this: ESTJ (Extroverted, Sensing, Thinking & Judging). "The Guardian". I would pretty much agree with this, but of course none of them are going to be completely spot-on. Here's what Jung has to say about ESTJs:

"They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They honor traditions and laws, and have a clear set of standards and beliefs. They expect the same of others, and have no patience or understanding of individuals who do not value these systems. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts.

ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They are extremely talented at devising systems and plans for action, and at being able to see what steps need to be taken to complete a specific task. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards.

When bogged down by stress, an ESTJ often feels isolated from others. They feel as if they are misunderstood and undervalued, and that their efforts are taken for granted. Although normally the ESTJ is very verbal and doesn't have any problem expressing themself, when under stress they have a hard time putting their feelings into words and communicating them to others.

The ESTJ puts forth a lot of effort in almost everything that they do. He or she is conscientious, practical, realistic, and dependable. ESTJs usually feel very strongly that they are right and that if everyone else would listen carefully to what the ESTJ has to say, then they would understand the way things really are, and the world would be a better place. Such a strong, confident self-image is an asset in many ways, but can also be a detriment in close interpersonal relationships, if the ESTJ's mate does not feel valued for their contributions as an individual.

In many ways, ESTJs are Guardians and Protectors by nature. They enjoy shielding and protecting their families, and are usually quite good at it. Their partners will appreciate and enjoy the benefits of the ESTJ's efforts in this respect, but they may also resent the more controlling aspects of the ESTJ's personality, which goes along with their strong desire to shield their loved-ones.

ESTJs will have little patience with people who seem frivolous or extremely untraditional. ESTJs tend to be enthusiastic, sharp, and witty. They like to hear good jokes, and enjoy telling them as well. They're valued by their friends for being dependable and upbeat, and easily engaged in various pursuits.

The ESTJ is generally very opinionated, and likes to appear authoritative and in charge. They may temper this tendency when around other ESTJs whom they value. Around other types, this tendency may cause them to be abrupt and direct, to the point where they inadvertantly step on people's toes.

* Generally enthusiastic, upbeat and friendly
* Stable and dependable, they can be counted on to promote security for their families
* Responsible about taking care of day-to-day practical concerns around the house
* Usually good (albeit conservative) with money
* Not personally threatened by conflict or criticism
* Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships
* Able to administer discipline when necessary

* Tendency to believe that they are always right
* Impatient with inefficiency and sloppiness
* Not naturally good at expressing their feelings and emotions
* May inadvertantly hurt others with insensitive language
* Generally uncomfortable with change, and moving into new territories

Also, nice to know that the ESTJ's "natural partner" is the ISTP - that's what Fergus is.

Oh, and I am always right, so screw you.

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Welles I Never

Why don't you...

admit that a young Orson Welles was attractive?

... just a teensy bit?

Monday, 16 March 2009

Get Angry

"The future is female, we are told. Feminism has served its purpose and should now eff off. Feminism was long hair, dungarees and dangling earrings; post-feminism was business suits, big hair and lipstick; post-post-feminism was ostentatious sluttishness and disorderly behaviour.

On every side, we see women troubled, exhausted, lonely, guilty, mocked by the headlined success of the few. The reality of women's lives is work—most of it unpaid and, what is worse, unappreciated. Every day, we hear of women abused; every day, we hear of new kinds of atrocities perpetrated on the minds and bodies of women; yet every day, we are told that there is nothing left to fight for.

Even if it had been real, equality would have been a poor substitute for liberation; fake equality is leading women into double jeopardy. The rhetoric of equality is being used in the name of political correctness to mask the hammering that women are taking.

When "The Female Eunuch" was written, our daughters were not cutting or starving themselves. On every side, speechless women endure endless hardship, grief and pain, in a world system that creates billions of losers for every handful of winners.

It's time to get angry again."

-- Germaine Greer, 'The Whole Woman'

Sleepy Findings Revisited

In relation to this post, here are

Four MORE Things I Have Found* In My Bed:
  1. A pair of jeans
  2. A video cassette case
  3. Packet of face wipes
  4. The complete works of Shakespeare

*I must point out that these objects were found either whilst sleeping in the bed, or after.

Sunday, 15 March 2009

How To Be A Good Child

Mother's Day is on the 22nd of March - that's this Sunday. Don't forget it.

Send her a card, Moonpig is pretty good if you're lazy or far away. Get her some lovely flowers (not carnations, no one likes carnations) or chocolates. Or, if you're feeling creative, get her something nice off etsy.

Marvellous! You have officially done your duty as a child. Now go back to berating her for the other 364 days of the year.

Saturday, 14 March 2009

Steaks & BJs

Today is allegedly 'Steak & a BJ Day'. Yes, a month after Valentine's Day, it is precisely what it says on the tin...

...because men don't get presents on Valentine's Day? This holiday is an outrage to feminist vegetarians everywhere, and when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere. There's probably one behind you right now! Watch out!

Anyway, I suggest whatever man feels the need to invent such a holiday moves to Brokeback Mountain: he'll find plenty of steaks and BJs there... and no women to listen to his misogynistic crap.

14th April should now be an official holiday for women. I can't decide on the title, but maybe we could choose between: 'We Have The Boobs, So Do What We Say Day" and 'We Put Up With Your Crap, So Make Us A Cup Of Tea Day'.

Or perhaps we could consider the concept that holidays such as these are retarded pointless, because in a relationship noone owes anyone anything, (particularly not a slab of cow flesh) and that's sort of the point.

Friday, 13 March 2009

Fat Slut

This article was recently on the Huffington Post. No, you don't have to read it, the gist of it is: would you rather be called 'fat' or a 'slut'?

The sad fact is, the majority of girls would rather be called a slut. So... it's OK to be a whore, as long as you're pretty, that seems to be the consensus. People say feminism is unnecessary.

Some might say that you can always lose weight but a reputation and herpes hang around. Some might say that you can always stop acting like a ho bag, but weight problems are genetic. I say it's all a load of balls.

It's just names for different forms of hedonism. Hedonism which is far more acceptable if you are a man, or, hedonism which is far more acceptible if you're an attractive woman, because we all know the implied social scale which looks like this:

If you have any qualms with that scale, please argue your case, I'd like to hear it.

Although in reality intelligent people ultimately win, because intelligent people know the power of moderation. They won't be the ones out shagging AIDS-ridden goats, and then shovelling down 50 chocolate gateauxs. Intelligent people win at life.

Thursday, 12 March 2009

32 Songs

I thought this was nice. 32 songs in 8 mintes. I suggest you watch/listen to this:

I particularly like how he managed to get "leave Britney alone" in there.

Wednesday, 11 March 2009

Le Monde

Je voudrais aller...












...et ici...

... si seulment prouver cela le existe.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009

Sleepy Findings

Four Things I Have Found In My Bed:
  1. Books
  2. Money
  3. Phones
  4. Your Mum*

*Last time, I promise...harhar!

Monday, 9 March 2009

Ce Jeu

If you're into French electro pop, then have a ganders at Yelle. I've neatly/badly translated it for you, just to be nice:

Crazy and totally obvious
I can’t make much sense
Of this exciting game
Although good, but so lazy
You like to manipulate me
And I like to do it equally
We are two victims
Of this sweet game of lovers

I would make the effort, I know you by heart
It’s enough when I ignore you
For you to return in tears
I look after you
You leave
That’s how it goes
Always the same
I anticipate it happening again

Passion, emotion,
And correction of equations
I mix up the solution
But I always have the same feeling
It’s totally clear
I can’t make much sense
Of this exciting game
Although good, but so lazy

I don’t want love without faults
Too perfect, you don’t interest me
Crazy about you, especially when you leave
Crazy of me, I go there from here.

I lose myself sometimes
Usually it’s good
And you hide your joy
Because you had me
Like a stupid prey animal and gentile
Which doesn’t learn from the lessons
Of the coarse and easy trap
Of a charming boy.

But it’s really too easy
When you smile you fascinate me
Like a magnet on a wire of iron
Tended and able
But it’s really too easy
It’s my apple which you fascinate
I turn to leave
You know that it’s not acid.

Kissy Kissy


Friday, 6 March 2009

Thursday, 5 March 2009

Overheard #12

Bloke on the phone: "OK, how about this: 'Ethiopia - The Musical!'"

Wednesday, 4 March 2009


Four Things I Should Be Doing Right Now:
  1. My essay
  2. My other essay
  3. My other other essay
  4. Your mum*

*Sorry, I couldn't resist.

5 Songs Obviously Written By Women

Don't worry, I'm not picking on the men. Women are equally ridiculous.

1. Baby Love – Diana Ross & The Supremes

“Baby love, my baby love
I need you, oh, how I need you
But all you do is treat me bad
Break my heart and leave me sad
Tell me what did I do wrong
To make you stay away so long?”

Lovely song, but fucking stupid lyrics. She needs to remember she's Diana Ross, not Whitney Houston (...oh no she didn't)!

2. Jolene – Dolly Parton

“Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
I'm begging of you please dont take my man
Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
Please dont take him just because you can”

Women are so stupid. She should be ripping Jolene’s eyeballs out instead of singing... and then beating her boyfriend to death with them.

3. Dickhead/Shit Song – Kate Nash

“What you being a dickhead for?
Stop being a dickhead”

Fair enough, I suppose. I like that it's so concise.

4. Just A Girl – No Doubt

“Don't you think I know
Exactly where I stand?
This world is forcing me
To hold your hand
'Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me
Don't let me out of your sight
I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite
So don't let me have any rights”

A nice bit of 90s quasi-feminism for you there.

5. Girl – Robots In Disguise

“We're a double X and proud of it
So vexed - shan't mind our language
With the F word - F for feminist
I'm a doll I'm a witch I'm a peach I'm a bitch”

I think that pretty much goes without saying.

Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Romeo + Juliet

I'm currently writing an essay on Baz Luhrmann's 1996 film remake: 'Romeo + Juliet'. It seems to be on of those films where you either love it or you hate it. A lot of pretentious people have claimed that it's sacrilege to arse about with Shakespeare in such a way. Personally, I think it's a very intelligent and captivating modernisation of the play, and I would suggest you watch it... also, it's a shame Leo DiCaprio isn't attractive. Just a thought for you there.

Yes, Baz Luhrmann's a bit of a nob, but I think we can get over that because this take on Mercutio which is just fantastic. I'm actually genuinely sad that he dies, unlike most Shakespearan characters when I hope they die just so that it will be entertaining.

Ho ho, controversy... I love it.

Afterthought: Claire Danes can't act.

Sunday, 1 March 2009

Overheard #11

Girl: And then she completely pissed herself!
Guy: Well atleast it was in her own house this time.