Telecommunicational Ceiling

New rule for life: if you invite someone somewhere, or accept an invitation from someone to go somewhere – don’t be on your phone the whole time. I thought that this was already a rule, but apparently it needs clarifying.

Technology is stopping people from learning social skills, and in half a generation we can see the effects this is having already. If I go out in a group for a night out, I do not expect half of the group to be calling or texting other people, or on facebook. Well, actually, sadly I do expect them to, but why should I?

I’m sorry you’re so dreadfully popular, but the people who are physically sat in front of you would appreciate your presence. Mental, social presence. Physical presence is easy. Corpses can manage that, and when was the last time you saw a corpse on facebook? Exactly – that’s why no one talks smack about them. If you’re not willing to be mentally present for a certain amount of time, then you don’t deserve people that want to spend time with you.

I’m sure you’ve got hundreds of people on facebook that are waiting for your status updates. I’m sure that when you’re on your deathbed you’ll regret not updating your facebook status more often instead of talking to those pesky friends. “Damn friends getting in the way of my social networking!” Exactly. You’re real-life social networking! …which used to be called socialising before technology pissed all over it. You apparently need to be in contact with everyone you know at all times. The main problem with this is that everyone knows friends are about quality, not quantity. I don’t give a shit if you’ve got 1000 friends – when are all their birthdays? Exactly.

If you’re on the phone when you’re out with me for a significant amount of time, then you better be either:

• Calling a taxi
• Calling an the emergency services
• Checking up on a very ill relative

That’s it. Even the last one, you should excuse yourself before calling.

It's not important. Sometimes mystery is a valuable thing. I find it hard to trust the incredibly rude person who's not fully engaged in conversation with me. It's not that I want a lot of attention, it's just that if you're offering it, then put some fucking effort in. Don't tell me you're going to paint me the Sistine Chapel and instead doodle on my ceiling. It's insulting, and I'd rather you didn't bother at all quite frankly. I don't need the Sistine Chapel, and if you're incapable of providing it then don't offer it. It's really not a massive loss, my ceiling is fine as it is.