Oat or Rice

Would you rather be an oat or a grain of rice? One of those idle questions you often ask yourself or other people, just to know what the response will be. Just out of interest, but it's not even the answer that's important - it's how you reach the answer.

I've decided that a grain of rice is my best bet. I know, as a great Scot I should say oat, but hear me out. What if it rains? Those oats are going to get well and truly buggered... and when I say buggered, I mean mooshy. Mooshy is not a good thing to be, mostly because oats can't revert back into their non-mooshy state. It's probably the oat equivilent of getting a tattoo on your face that says 'MOOSH!' I mean why would you do that? That's a stupid fucking thing to do. It's not even a real word. But then, you're not even a real person, are you? You're an oat.

Anyway, the reason I'd rather be a grain of rice is that they can go in the rain for a short amount of time and not need wellies or a mac, and they will come out relatively unscathed.

This is the only plus side I can think of to being a grain of rice rather than an oat. Well, fitting in small spaces would certainly be a bonus. I probably wouldn't have to pay for a bus ticket either way. Do they do a 'Young Oat's Railcard'? It's worth researching, I tell you.

Oat or Rice, and why?