Knocked Up Review

Ok, so I was asked by Sarah after we'd just watched 'Knocked Up' whether or not I was going to do a review of it on my blog. I said 'maybe'. But according to my typing this right now I probably could have said 'yes'.

We watched Knocked Up yesterday. To be honest, we would have stopped watching it half way through if we didn't want to know whether or not the film was ironic. Turns out it wasn't particularly. I'm glad we finished watching it though.

To quote Katherine Heigl, “It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as goofy, fun-loving guys." I agree with that, sort of. It is pretty much like that until about 3/4 of the way through the film, and then it gets about 20% less sexist, resulting in only a small feminist rant... I hope you're appreciating these precise statistics I'm providing you with, because they took a lot of calculating.

The characters are so badly developed it makes the film quite painful to watch at times. My favourite character I can't even remember the name of, but he's played by the blokie who's Mike in 'Friends'. The characters in general were inconsistent, stereotypical and downright annoying. Emily was right - she said if the main male character was played by someone like Jack Black then the film might have worked, because either somehow he would have made it so funny we wouldn't care, or he'd make the character likeable.

Basically, it's got some funny bits, some disgusting bits, some shockingly bad bits, some badly developed characters and some badly made vaginal prosthetics. But there's also some pictures of cute babies at the end, so it's not all bad.

3/10.

Shite-er Than Fiction

They always say to write your best you should ‘write what you know,’ my question is this: how do we know when fiction becomes autobiography?

I’d love to write fiction, but any ideas I have for fiction have some aspects of my life in them, past, present or future. I don’t want to write an autobiography... I’m 19!

I’m sure there’s such as thing of fiction with autobiographical themes, or something like that, but I just know once I start writing it will end up like a diary – or worse: a blog! I think it’s quite an immature style of writing, yet unfortunately the most fun.

Damn you fiction… I’ll see what I can do.

Kate Bush

Happy Birthday to Kate Bush, who’s celebrating the big 5-0 today, but we probably still would!

Who?
KATE BUSH!! That's who! If you're reading this then you're probably Kirsty, so you know who she is.

When?
She was born on 42^nd of April… no, not really. She was born on the 30^th July 1958, making her 50 today and officially a 'groovy granny', or, if you're perverted, 'GILF'.

Where?
She was born in Bexleyheath in Kent. She later attended a Grammar school in London. After being signed to EMI in the summer of 1977, Kate Bush performed in pubs with her band 'The KT Bush Band'. Currently, she's pretty much omnipresent.

What?
She’s Kate Bush – She sings like she's on helium and dances like she's on acid. She had the same dance teacher as David Bowie, so that might explain things a bit. The 'Wuthering Heights' dance is notorious in these parts, as is the marvellous 'Running Up That Hill' dance.

I found this picture on flickr of her as a little girl in a really jazzy jumper. Nice!

She was signed up to EMI when she was 16 after some bloke from Pink Floyd (oh, how they enrage me!) thought that she was, to quote him "Ruddy Fab!"

Her first album, 'The Kick Inside' was released when she was 19. Which is worrying, because I don't have an album out yet. I think it's her best album... OK, maybe 'Hounds Of Love'... oh, I don't know.

She also rocks because she writes all of her own songs, she was quoted as saying: "People weren't even generally aware that I wrote my own songs or played the piano. The media just promoted me as a female body. It's like I've had to prove that I'm an artist in a female body." Whilst making her albums, she disappears and then reappears when they're being released. This causes some people in the media to speculate that she's gone insane or worse - fat! Shock! Horror! Neither of course are true, she's just making an album.

Bascially, she's pretty cool. Have some crazy dancing...

Toe Jam

As we all know, David Byrne is a genius. His lyrics make little or no sense, and he's just generally a very cool chap. Here's the new video for Toe Jam by The BPA with David Byrne (& Dizzy Rascal, but let's just ignore him). The video also features lots of naked people dancing about, I'll let you find out the rest for yourself but I think it's a really clever video and a funky song.



It rolls... out the dooooor...

PETA = Pestersome Prostitues

Right, I mentioned that I hate PETA before and here’s a sort of ranty explanation…

I’m a vegetarian. However, I hate the type of preachy vegetarians who try and force people to eat a certain way. PETA are part of this preachy thing, only in a much bigger way.

Here’s their website, as much as I hate to give them any more attention than they already get.

When I was 12 or so, somehow they found out I was vegetarian (which is scary enough) and sent me vegetarian propaganda. This featured images of dead cows, talking, telling me not to eat meat. It was actually horrible, it could have really upset a less apathetic person.

Fair enough if you want to promote vegetarianism, but don’t be weird about it! They are incredibly very aggressive in the way they go about things, unnecessarily so, and they’re promoting ethical treatment of animals to the detriment of human well being which, as much as I love animals, is just not a good thing.

Not to mention the incredibly sexist advertising they use! If you care enough you’ll look them up but some of them are pretty disgusting to be honest. I’d say about 90% of their adverts involve naked women.

For instance, this one with Alicia Silverstone, which just says: "I am Alicia Silverstone and I'm a Vegetarian." Good for you, love... but why are you naked?!

Here they try to defend their advertising… badly. Basically saying that the only way they can get attention is to have naked women in their advertising. What a load of balls.

Sorry PETA, but I don’t like you. Please go away.

Sleepy Time

Why don't you...

go to bed?

It's far too late to be awake! It's sleepy time!

And if you've just woke up... go back to bed!

Marxist Feminist

I can confirm that it most definately does... La-la, la-la, la.

Pow-Wow

Did you know that Native North American women used to gather once a week for a pow-wow?

A pow-wow is much like a chin-wag, and a chin-wag is much like a natter, except it can also include singing, dancing and all that fun stuff. Women gather to talk and discuss problems - they all share their knowledge and advice.

Another main difference between a natter and a pow-wow is that at a pow-wow if you’ve had the same problem for 3 weeks you are no longer allowed to discuss it with the group. At this point you will have had all the advice people are able to give, and it’s your turn to either fix the problem, or forget about it.

I think this is a good idea, because it creates a sense of personal responsibility when it comes to people’s problems. I’m not in favour of suffering in silence, not at all, but I agree with these very clever women – 3 weeks is a good amount of time, with the help of your friends, to get any problem you may have well on the way to being resolved.

And if you don’t agree... well you’ve still learnt an interesting fact today! Isn’t that lovely?

Diet Tennant Break

This is exactly what my office is like. Fantasticness.

The Rocky Horror Pedant Show

I know it's after midnight but I haven't gone to bed yet so it counts as the same day... let's not be pedantic now!

Neighbours - We had some neighbours climb over our fence and talk to us today. It was weird, but they were quite funny and quite drunk. It's nice to meet the neighbours. I just wish they hadn't tried to get in our house.

High Fidelity - We watched it this week (again). Gosh I love that film. Nick Hornby is amazing, I love the way he combines music with writing but with a sense of humour too. Clever man.

Jane Eyre - I've started reading it this week and I'm on chapter 7 so far. Somehow I've managed to go through my entire English education without learning of the storyline, so I don't actually know what happens. All I know is, apparently there's a mad woman in the attic, she's called Bertha, and she's a lovely machine (that last one's possibly not true). Don't tell me how it ends, I'm loving it!

Neighbours - Neighbours... everybody needs good neighbours. Unfortunately, ours invite themselves round when we don't actually know them. They keep asking Sarah for cigarettes and they're just generally quite weird.

PETA - Oh my goodness I can't even start explaining how much I hate PETA. I think there may have to be a whole separate post about that because I've got a lot to rant about.

Rocky Remakes - They're re-making Rocky Horror. No. I'm sorry. I think not. You can't do that, and I won't let it happen. Bastards.

Palahniuk

"We all die, the goal is not to live forever, the goal is to create something that will"

-- Chuck Palahniuk

Like 'Fight Club!'

Shiver

Ladels and Jellyspoons, may I present you with the most underrated (and possibly best) Coldplay song ever - 'Shiver.' It's just beautiful: lyrically and in every other way possible.



Shiver

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention, do you?
I know you don't listen to me
'Cos you say you see straight through me, don't you?

On and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

So you know how much I need you
But you never even see me, do you?
And is this my final chance of getting you

And on and on
From the moment I wake, to the moment I sleep
I'll be there by your side; just you try and stop me
I'll be waiting in line, just to see if you care

Oh…
Did you want me to change?
Well I'd change for good
And I want you to know that you'll always get your way
I wanted to say…

Don't you shiver
Don't you shiver
Sing it loud and clear
I'll always be waiting for you

Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you
Yeah I'll always be waiting for you, for you
I will always be waiting…

And it's you I see but you don't see me
And it's you I hear so loud and so clear
I sing it loud and clear
And I'll always be waiting for you

So I look in your direction
But you pay me no attention
And you know how much I need you
But you never even see me

Am I A Fridge?

The amount of speculation in the past as to whether or not I am a fridge, or indeed a tranny is quite shocking. I can confirm that I would be a tranny, were I male. I am not male, however, and so the only question left to ask is: am I a fridge?

Let's look at the facts, shall we?

Ways in which I am similar to a fridge:

• I am white
• I can store large amounts of food

Ways in which I am not similar to a fridge:

• I don't have corners
• I am not cool
• I don't have a warranty
• I'm not silent
  
• I can't make ice
• I don't have fridge magnets stuck to me (as far as I'm aware)

In the grand scheme of things, I conclude from these lists that I'm probably not a fridge.

There we have it: Sophie = not a fridge... or a tranny... unfortunately.

How to Speak Japanese

Here's how to speak a little Japanese - because it’s fun ( kara, tanoshii desu!) It’s not as difficult as it seems to speak, infact it’s pretty easy to speak.

Here’s a few handy phrases for you to know and use:

“Hello” – Konnichiwa - こんにちは。

“Yes” – Hai – はい。

“No” – Iie - いいえ。

“What’s your name?” – O-namae-wa nan desu ka - お名前は何ですか。

“My name is ***” - Watashi wa *** desu - 私は***です。

“Thank You” – Arigato - ありがとう。

“Please” – Dozo - どうぞ。

“Excuse me” – Sumimasen - すみまりせん。

“Your mother is a cheap whore” – O-ka-san wa yasui yariman desu - おおかさんは やすいやりんです。

“Goodbye” – Sayonara - さようなら。

Yatta! I hope you’ve learnt a lot - Sayo!

Shee

There's just too many of them!



"The mutha ucka runs a racist uckin' grocery
The mutha ucka won't sell an apple to a Kiwi"

... genius. I think I've definately listened to/sung this song far too many times recently.

New Hair!

I've just got back from having my hair cut! Yays! I've needed a haircut for ages, and inevitably I've gone back to the fringe which I've had ever since I was 2.

For the millionth time, I've had a fringe cut in. It looks nice, I like having a fringe; I feel weird without one, but I know I will get annoyed with it when it gets in my eyes or when it's greasy all the time.

I also got my ridiculously thick hair cut with the razor and my layers made a little shorter. Hairdressers always get annoyed because I've got so much hair it takes about twice the time it normally would: I've had the equivilent of another person's head of hair taken off with a razor and it still looks pretty much the same.

But enough hair and more about chair - I'm just off to fix a really lovely old chair that George stole for me, (some neighbours were throwing it out) the seat's broken through but I think I can make it look nice again... I might give it a fringe... we shall see.

Everybody's Stupid

"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity."

-- Hunter S Thompson

Hunter S Thompson

I think I’ve mentioned him a few times on this blog already, but he is one of my favourite writers of all time, and a truly fascinating man – I’d like to invite him round for tea, even though he’d probably turn up wasted and try to shoot me. Happy Birthday, Hunter S Thompson!

Who?
Hunter S Thompson, a.k.a Hunter Stockton Thompson.

When?
He was born on the 18^th July 1937, and died in February 2005. His most famous work, ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’ was published in 1972.

Where?
Hunter S Thompson was born in Kentucky. He went to jail for being an accessory to robbery in 1955, and after leaving jail joined the US Air force, where he trained in first Texas, and then Florida before moving to Pennsylvania and New York. In 1960 he moved to Puerto Rico to write for a Sports magazine, and in 1964 he moved to California to write for National Observer. In 1965, after the newspaper refused to print some of his work, he moved to San Francisco, where he joined the drug culture. In 1967 he moved to Colorado where he died in 2005.

What?
He is most famous for writing the drug-fuelled novel ‘Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas’, which was later made into a film.

He was however, predominantly a journalist. He invented Gonzo journalism in 1970. If you don’t know what Gonzo journalism is, and you're into that sort of thing, I definately recommend checking it out because it’s brilliant. I’m hoping to try it out soon.

A member of the NRA (National Rifle Association), he campaigned for the right to bear arms, and had a huge collection of guns and explosives. He was also an advocate of drugs, as shown in one of his many many famous quotes, "I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me."

Here are some more famous Hunter S Thompson quotes:

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

"Buy the ticket, take the ride"

"Too weird to live, too rare to die"

“If you're going to be crazy, you have to get paid for it or else you're going to be locked up”

"If I'd written the truth I knew for the past ten years, about 600 people—including me—would be rotting in prison cells from Rio to Seattle today. Absolute truth is a very rare and dangerous commodity in the context of professional journalism."

“It's a strange world. Some people get rich and others eat shit and die.”

Expect to see more quotes from him around here in the future.

Thompson died in 2005. He shot himself, and his suicide note read:

"No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your old age. Relax — This won't hurt"

At his funeral, his ashes were shot from a cannon along with red, white and blue fireworks to the sound of Bob Dylan’s ‘Mr Tambourine Man’. His funeral was financed by his friend Johnny Depp.

Nihongo Ga Suki Desu!

Here are some more things that have made me say 'yay' and 'nay' this week.


Japanese - I've been using it slightly more than usual lately (so more than never) after forgetting all about the language since college. It's really a beautiful language, I think I should try to keep it up. Same with all my languages really, they're awfully useful.

White Chocolate - Well me and my good friend George have just been eating white chocolate and I must say it was rather scrummy.

Festivals - We saw Robots in Disguise the other day (again) they were amazing! But I seem to remember that they were in last weeks 'Yays & Nays,' so this week I shall just change it to 'Festivals' because it's the undeniably British atmosphere of a festival it definately what makes it so fun and summery (even in the wind and rain).


Rubbish Weather - Yes, it has been raining far too much lately. Last weekend was rainy and grey, not that it made it rubbish or anything, it's just a lot easier to plan what you're going to wear when it's not sunny and hot one minute and freezing and rainy the next.

Sneezing - Not in any way related to the weather (well, not in my case anyway) but I sneeze far too much. This has been the case for as long as I can remember when all times of year, due to a dust allergy, I have pretty much constant rhinitus. It gets annoying after your 50th sneeze of the morning. Medicine doesn't work. Boo.

Preachy Bands - I love Coldplay, don't get me wrong (in the words of The Pretenders). I don't love their slightly preachy side. What I'm trying to say is: please dont' turn into Bono, Chris Martin - you're far too pretty.

That's all my little love squeezin's!

Blag

Doki Doki!

ドキドキ ("Doki Doki") is a Japanese onomatopoeia (yes! spelled right first time!) for a beating heart. It's used to signify excitement or anxiety. I think it's a lovely concept.

I suppose the not-so-poetic English equivilent would be "buh-boom buh-boom."

Whilst snooping around on the internet, as I often do, I found this bizarre website. It's like literally wearing your heart on your sleeve, where you can hook your heartbeat up to a little transluscent plastic dome. This begs the questions "why?" and "what the fuck?"

Whatever tickles your pickle.

Doki doki!

Classy Bird

I realised something today. I’m very lucky.

I’m very lucky to be born into the class and culture I was born into. I’m lucky that in my childhood I was provided with a good education, parents that took an interest, and adequate social skills. It’s these things that matter, because it’s these things that help you help yourself. I could be in a much worse position right now were I not equipped with them.

No matter what, I will always be middle class. That fact alone is enough to get you so far in life.

Although my parents are from working class families, they’ve worked up into middle class jobs (my mum, at least, is a teacher). The fact that I was provided with a good education meant that it was reasonably easy for me to get into university (was not easy to get into a good university, but that's a different kettle of tea) and so it will be easier for me to get a middle class job and the wonderful circle of yuppyism and elitism continues!

Yays!

100 -1 Day

“If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.”

-- A.A. Milne

(again... he's a lovely, wise man)

New Favicon

You may have noticed I've got a new favicon.

Sadly, it probably took me over an hour to work out how to put it there, and even now I'm not entirely sure how I managed it. Oh well.

Hope you likey!

How Annoying

Annoyance is annoying.

I have noticed that when we are annoyed by another person, it is sometimes because either:

1. The annoying quality in that person is a quality that we possess, but dislike about ourselves
2. The annoying quality in that person is a quality that we do not possess, but would like to have ourselves

But this rule doesn't follow all the time, obviously. Some things/people are just annoying.

I've just realised something that annoys me that doesn't follow these rules. When I'm talking to someone and they're trying to put their point across emphatically, so they use my name, e.g. "I don't think so, Sophie" "No, Sophie, I can't really" "You're a twat, Sophie."

Dubbleyew-Tee-Eff? No one uses people names!

Maybe to get someone's attention... or to refer to someone... or if you're quoting someone else... or trying to prove that you know their name... or trying to annoy them... but not when you're mid-conversation - that's just annoying. Cat quiche?

Lunch?

“It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?"”

-- A.A. Milne

Oh, and "shitbag" too.

Mighty Boosh Festival (Part 2)

Hooray! It was sooo fun! Here's the day in bite-size chunks:

• We woke up uber early (well, 7.30 ish but for a Saturday that's pretty early) the lovely Craig drove all the way there.
• We got there in good time, the queue was hugenormous - it was like a snail the size of a whale!
• We ate boursin, ice creams and strawberries throughout the day.
• I think most of Kent has seen my arse - it was rather windy that day and my skirt kept blowing up. Oh well. Thank goodness for leopard print tights.
• Robots In Disguise were fantastic - but they should have been further up the bill definately... and they knew it.
  
• Jarvis Cocker was lovely. He was nice to Gary Numan.
• Gary Numan was a tart, he kept pouting and dancing about all funny like. How we love the Numan. He rocks.
  
• The Boosh had fireworks at the end of their set. Kaboom! Pop! Pop! Pop! Woop!
• We got back at 2.30am, but it could have been worse - the transportation was complete shit... apparently some people slept in fields. Shame on you, organisers!
  
• It was amazing!!

"Future sailors! We're future sailors! Electronic castaway... digital stowaway! ...Oooh Yeeah!"

Festival Bloggage-ness

Oh yes, it's back.

People - I've been spending a bit more time with some of my favourite people lately. I think it's because I'm working less, but whatever it is it's fantastic and I hope it carries on.

The Mighty Boosh - Oh yes, this is not the last you'll hear about how marvellous The Mighty Boosh are! Part two of the Festival bloggage-ness is still to come!

Robots In Disguise - Yes, sort of related to Mighty Boosh but then also not. Hooray for them and they're lovely new album. Have a slice Robot pie (featuring Noel Fielding for those who care) :



Reading Whilst Walking - I see people doing this to and from work. Why?! It's impossible to read a book whilst walking because you're moving around too much - if it was possible I'm sure a lot more people would be doing it! These people are just doing it to look 'intellectual' and, quite frankly, I think they should just fuck right off.

Big Brother - Is it just me, or did their green make-up for the river dance task make them all look like Old Gregg? But then again, Lisa looks like that most of the time anyway.

Stealing - Stealing isn't nice. It's not big, and it's not clever. Don't steal things. Or else.

It's Raining...

... a lot.

Sam Sparro

He really wants to eat chicken with you/go fishing with you...

Sam Sparro – American Boy (Estelle)

I first saw a live version of Black & Gold by Sam Sparro the other day and I thought it was ruddy amazing. Better then the album version, definately. I liked his hat, and if hats are anything to judge people by (which they certainly are) then he's a very funky chap. Anyway, this cover of American Boy is bitchin' for want of a better word. His rap's pretty nifty too.

Sailors bap-bap-bap-bap-baa-bap

I wonder... does reading the newspaper count if it's reading off the internet?

Nevermind.

Anyway... guess what I've found...

Click his face!!

I don't know why he's dressed as a school boy, but I thought it was pretty cool. Click The Bowie's face for a lovely article (Mail on Sunday... eugh...) written by the man himself.

Millions Of Monkeys

"We’ve heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the complete works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know that is not true."

-- Robert Wilensky

Mighty Boosh Festival (Part 1)

We're off and about at the Might Boosh Festival today! I shall let you know all about it in due course... once I've bathed in acid and slept for 24 hours... but for now, have a nice little sing-song...

“What’s that?”
“It’s a boy’s finger…”
“But why is it on a cushion?”
“It’s all about presentation… and boy’s fingers”

Little Brain

"The person who reads too much and uses his brain too little will fall into lazy habits of thinking."

-- Albert Einstein

That's reason enough for me to not read today.

Hold

I've just been on hold for 30 minutes... then got cut off. Then called them back... then hung up after 25 minutes... damn you Student Finance!

I've been holding the phone up to my ear for so long I've got pins and needles. Ouchies indeed!

I'm beginning to think I should have sat like this Lucia Holm in this pretty picture. But I don't think I'd quite look the same somehow. Damn.

Yays & Nays

'Things I Love Thursday' has had a re-jig. This is mainly because not only are there lots of things I like, but there are also an equal amount of things I don't really like and also things I sort of like, but generally feel pretty apathetic about. Hence, I introduce... Yays & Nays!Time - Oh yes, as I said, I started working part-time as of yesterday. Today was my first full day off oh it was lovely, thank you for asking! I'm loving the idea of having more time to have a life. Maybe now I can get some ruddy reading done!

Chocolate Cake - On a similar vein to the brownies I mentioned last time. I've got big plans in terms of chocolate-cake-making. Just call me a fakey cake maker.

Mighty Boosh Festival - We're off there this Saturday, and it's all very exciting!! News to follow!!

Negativity - Ok, so it's a bit of a contradiction but first and only time I promise. I don't like having to think about things that I don't like. I've got enough things I don't like I just can't remember them... so maybe instead of Negativity this one should be 'My Crap Memory'.

Money - It makes me ridiculously angry that something like money can cause so much stress and harm that it does. An even more annoying thing about it is that it would probably be even worse without it. What a load of balls.

People Walking - Ok, I've thought about this one as you can tell... I do a lot of walking to and from places where there are a lot of people, and I absolutely can't stand people walking slowly infront of me. I think there should be assigned fast and slow lanes on pavements just like on roads, and people should cary horns with them for when people are in their way. For the people that have their headphones up too loud to hear such horns, it should be common practice to rugby tackle them.

Cretinous Disarray

I had my last day before I start working part-time today.

It was really weird.

It sounds bizarre, but I didn't want to leave! It made me really uneasy to think that the work would be going on when I wasn't there. I have decided that on my return, one of the following three things will have happened:

• The whole place will be in disarray
• The whole place won't be in disarray
• The whole place might be slightly more in disarray than if I'd been there, but not really very much and I'll have an average amount of work when I return.

I'm banking on the last one to be honest. To be honest they shouldn't have put a temp who's been there for 5 months in charge of a department. I have a lady on my team who I've had to train and re-train a grand total of 3 times because she's such an incredible cretin... and she still does the work wrong... so I just re-do it after she's gone... oh well, she's quite nice really.

Apart from that I shouldn't be worrying or wishing I was elsewhere. I've been waiting to have more free time since I started working there. I'm very grateful indeed.

Let the good times roll, as they say.

Big Brother

I love: Big Brother

I hate: Big Brother

Any Excuse

Rebecca Front makes a very good point about gender stereotypes.

The Guardian is my favourite newspaper for shizzle.