2008

Here we have it, a list of 37 things I've done in 2008.

1. Moved out of my parent’s house
2. Left my childhood home.
3. Moved into a house with my friends.
4. Stayed behind.
5. Worked from home.
6. Worked full-time as a receptionist.
7. Worked full-time and run an incredibly small department for an international company.
8. Worked in a pub.
9. Started university.
10. Dyed my hair purple.
11. Visited Australia x2
12. Visited Singapore x 2
13. Visited Dubai x 2
14. Celebrated Chinese New Year in Chinatown (awesome).
    
15. Went to London.
16. Went to the zoo.
17. Saw the Mystery Jets.
    
18. Improved my French.
19. Got a 2:1 for my first two university essays.
20. Had vertigo.
21. Cycled a lot.
22. Written several stupid poems.
23. Turned 19.
24. Went to the Mighty Boosh Festival.
25. Filmed a ‘Cribs’ episode for our house.
26. Got a hamster.
27. Got a fish x 2
28. Killed a fish x 2
29. Lost a pair of underwear down the main road.
30. Hallucinated x 3
31. Was given a beautiful Orchid.
32. Refurbished a dead chair.
33. Saw Father Christmas.
34. Went to the fireworks x 2
35. Fed ducks x 4
    
36. Witnessed a really cool pub fight.
37. Handcuffed a penguin.
    

Ok, so the last one's a lie, but it's on my to-do list!

This list is among other things, of course, but those are the things I could remember... don't ask me what the number 37 is about, I'm beginning to think it's got something to do with Dr. Who...

How To Pack A Suitcase

I've done a fair bit of packing and I'd like to think I've got it down to a fine art. Here's how I pack:

• Know the weight allowance for your checked-in luggage on your airline website. This will depend on what type of flight you're going on and what airline you're with. Long-haul is usually between 20-26kg... so fill your booties, cuties.
  
• If you're a girl you get to take two hand luggage bags! Hooray for ladies! You can take one 'small' handbag and a hand luggage bag. Anyone can also take a laptop, but you can't take a laptop and a small handbag if that makes sense. Oh, and they have to fit in the squarey hand luggage size-tester thingy at the airport however many bags you're taking.
• Hand luggage is obvious, but I wrote about that before here.
  
• To pack clothes, make sure you've got enough outfits for the number of days you're there if you're there for a week or less. Any more than a week and you might want to consider taking less clothes but make sure that you have something to wear that is formal. If you want take one or two dresses, but they're not very practical in terms of packing because they take up more room if they're poofy and you can't mix and match them with anything.
• Never take more than 3 pairs of shoes, wherever you're going and whatever you're doing: it's unnecessary.
• When putting things in your suitcase, put things into piles of: Clothes, Heavy objects (i.e. books), Light objects (Toiletries) and Dodgy things (i.e. weirdly shaped things and food).
• Firstly, heavy things go at the bottom of the suitcase, so it's not top heavy and doesn't keep falling over.
  
• Underwear and jewellery goes in shoes, shoes also go at the bottom and preferably in plastic bags so no dirty shoe-ness gets on your clothes. Make sure there's no mud on your shoes as this can be a bit iffy at some customs (mainly Australia and the US).
• If you roll clothes instead of folding them, they don't crease as much but they take up more room I think.
  
• Put one set of clothes in your handluggage.
• Everything else just goes in wherever it will go, except...
  
• Dodgy things need to go right at the top of your suitcase, or so they're easily accessible. This is in case you get stopped at customs and have to open your suitcase. It just saves time. They probably won't want to look at the food you have, but if you have anything that's very pointy, freaky, or weapony then they'll probably want to know what it is.
• Dodgy things also includes any medicines. Make sure they're all in the original boxes with instructions and declare them.
  
• Keep a small list of last minute things to pack which you will be using right until you leave, including: hairbrush, toothbrush, keys, phone etc. which you might not want to have in your handluggage.
• But actually, I would keep phones in hand luggage - if you would die without it, don't put it in your checked-in luggage, because bags do get lost. This is why you should always put a luggage tag on your bag with your name and address and remove any tags from previous flights.
  
• Have travel insurance and a copy of it on you whilst travelling.
  
• Put a padlock on your bag because luggage handlers have been known to nick things. If customs want to look inside, they will... but they'll just smash the lock off.
• Designer suitcases attract thieves. Mines from Argos and it's done me fine to New York, Isle of Wight and Australia 3 times in the last few years.
  
• The week before you go also have a bit of paper somewhere to write down things you remember you need to pack - I always remember odd things one by one and it's just useful to have a list to cross off as I'm packing.
• Finally - for Christ's sake make sure you know what you can and can't take into the country. The amount of stupid people you see bringing fruit and nuts into Australia is ridiculous - even wooden objects! If the x-rays don't find it, the sniffer-dogs will - you will be fined, and you will deserve it. Gutted indeed.
  

And that is all my little pickle-noses!

Prince's New Beard

Has anyone else noticed Prince William's new beard? Oh good, so it's not a figment of my imagination, I was getting worried that I was hallucinating beards again.

Usually I would approve of this new beardy look, but not in this case. Everyone knows Prince William has been slowly(ish) going bald for the last few years, and now it just looks like his hair has slid off his head and on to the royal chin.

Not to mention it's ginger, and everyone knows ginger beards are a source of hilarity.

Incidently, when I was trying to find a picture to go along with this, why is it that all I could find was that chappy off Narnia who looks a bit like Fergus?

Second Films

Four Films I've Watched For The Second Time In The Last Week

1. Mamma Mia
2. Iron Man
3. Ghost Town
4. The Holiday
   

Overheard #7

Aussie #1: What are you going to the Hollywood party as?
Aussie #2: I was going to go as myself and say I'm some obscure film character.
#1: Yeah but it's 50s, so you'll have to wear slacks.
#2: These are sort of slacks [pointing at his skinny jeans]
#1: No, they're jeans.
#2: Fuck off, they're slacks.

Christmasbreadmen

Merry Christmas!

... that is all.

Bedtime

Why don't you...

Go to bed!

... Father Christmas doesn't come if you're awake!!

What a To-Do!

It's Christmas Eve, so here's your To-Do list:

• Put out some food for Father Christmas
  
• Get drunk
• Eat
  
• Argue

Hamster Eating Popcorn

I laughed so much I ended up just screaming... and I'm now wheezing. This video will complete your life, guaranteed.

Mistletoes

I had a pedicure today (sorry Sarah) and my feet are all beautiful. I wanted to put Christmas trees on them, but they didn't do that which was a shame. I got slightly bruised by the chair but apart from that it was lovely.

After this we went to the cinema, where my mum and I were given the wrong tickets so we missed the beginning of our film. We came out to discover that in the film my brother and dad had been watching some idiot had set off a fire extinguisher so the whole room was filled with smoke which stung their eyes. We did a lot of complaining and got a refund and free tickets to come again, but that's not really the point. Just remember to complain, everyone - you will get free stuff!

I'm not a fan of stereotypes, but I think the Australian one is pretty much spot on. 'Nice-but-dim' doesn't really apply... I'd say less of the nice, more of the dim.

After the cinema fandango I made a cheesecake with my cousin. We ended up with a ridiculous amount of cheese in our hair, on the walls, on the floor, and probably on the ceiling too. We'll see if it's nice or not tomorrow... Christmas Eve!

Vanessa Paradis

Bon Anniversaire, Vanessa Paradis!



Who?
Vanessa Paradis, a.k.a. Vanessa Chantal Paradis.

Where?
She was born in Saint-Maur-des-Fosses in France.

When?
She was born in 1972, making her 36 years old today. She was discovered in 1980, but her first decent song, 'Joe Le Taxi' was released in 1987 and became the 84th best selling single of all time.

What?
I would describe her as the French Kylie Minogue. She did some modelling for Chanel in the 90s and then again a few years ago, but I'm not sure if she's still with them now. She's also not married to Johnny Depp, but they have two kids together, so whatever.

She is my favourite french singer, a bit more pop than any English music I'd listen to, but I think French music is better suited to pop anyway. Most of her songs have been disabled for embedding, but that's ok because you probably wouldn't have watched them anyway. Check her out on YouTube if you're bothered - some good recent songs are Chet Baker and Des Que J'te Vois.



Now, let's try and not mention her teeth.

Vintageland

I went vintage shopping with my cousin yesterday in the indie part of the city (pronounced: sid-ee). There are a lot of lovely vintage shops around especially down this one street which is practically all amazing quality vintage shops and then just one giant charity shop at the end.

I spent $30 (£12 ish) and I returned from vintageland with: 2 tackerific Christmas jumpers, 2 vintage dresses, and a pair of (never worn) shoes. Bargainous!

Can't wait to wear my Christmas jumpers, but it's quite hot here at the moment so I might have to wait a while. They are beautiful indeed. One even has wings.

Tim Tams

I love: Tim Tams

I hate: Tim Tams making me fat!

Australian Christmas

As far as I'm aware, here are the differences between an English and an Aussie Christmas:

• It's summer!
• Summer entails many barbecues (However, Aussies, much like the English will have a barbecue despite the weather not being appropriate)
• Lots of people go to the beach
• Crayfish seems to be to be as common as turkey, or used as a turkey substitute
• Some decorations are even tackier than the UK, if you can believe it
• A lot more time is spent on the telephone, as most Australians have relatives all over the world
• Shopping is a Christmas sport, except here it's done as a way to get out of the heat
• All the snowmen are dead
  
• Santa wears a speedo

Ok, so maybe the last one isn't true, or even a particularly pleasant mental image, but I thought I'd throw the idea in there. I certainly shan't be sitting on his lap.

From this I conclude (conclusions are always good!) that an English Christmas is the only way to go. It's just not the same when you're spending Christmas at the beach, and burning faster than the barbecued turkey.

Tweedle Ring

Oh my goodness... amazing. I like the Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee ones too. Why have I forgotten how to speak Japanese?! I can't understand this site at all. I'm sure they're ridiculously expensive though.

Pretty though!

Let's wait for the knock-offs to emerge.

Shivering Water Tim Tams

A global theme this week.



Tim Tams - Oh they are yummy little biscuits of wonder.

Family - It's nice to see them, it reminds me why I am how I am sometimes.

Animals - There's lots of nice ones here.

Not shivering - It's still cold here, despite the fact that it should be boiling. It's not as cold as England though, but we have had the fire on every morning and evening.



Flights - I don't mind flying at all, put me on a plane and I'll deal with it for however long. What I can't stand is flying with my brother, who despite having gone on nearly as many flights as me still needs to be reminded that no, he can't take is razor on the plane (why would he need to) and nor can he take his giant aerosol deoderant in hand luggage. Also, lace-up steel-toe boots... not a good idea for wearing through airports.

Family - Some of them make me angry, some of them just make me sad. I love my grandads very much but I wish they wouldn't put such pressure on me. My aunt needs to learn to mind her own business.

Water - Why is it that the second you get remotely near Dubai any water becomes repulsive? I've been drinking ribena the whole time.

Missing People - Yes, I am on the other side of the world, and this probably will entail that I will be out of the loop for a while as it were and miss out on things. Which is a bit shit, but there we go. I miss people whereever I am in the world, so I might as well stop worrying about it.

Brian

As my facebook status said indicated, I am being stalked by a cat called Brian.

It's true. Brian is a very skinny tabby who I have named Brian after Brian Ferry. He's got shifty green eyes and he's sort of a black and ginger tabby colour. Anyway... he has been hanging around our garden since Sunday when we spoke to him for a bit and gave him a bit of attention. Ever since he's been in our garden, sleeping on the chairs and sitting on the barbecue!

Brian has also worked out how to open the back door, so we have to keep it locked all the time now. We can't leave any windows open because he keeps climbing in the windows. If he can't work out a sneaky way to get in, after about half an hour he starts meowing constantly.

I think he's wonderful, but my mum doesn't want him in because she doesn't want him pissing everywhere. Fair enough, I suppose, but Brian is a genius among cats and incredibly cute as well, so I say he should be able to come and go as he pleases.

Allergic to Christmas

I think I'm allergic to Christmas...trees.

This is not surprising really, because I do have hayfever all year round, as well as a dust allergy. Usually we have a fake tree, and the dust off that makes me sneeze. Merry Christmas, Rhinitus! But this year we bought a real tree off a woman who I swear was Yoko Ono, and the real tree makes me sneeze as well! So maybe it's not hayfever or dust, maybe it's just Christmas trees in general... or Yoko Ono.

The beautiful new tree has been sprayed a lot and shaked about as if it were a polaroid picture. No spiders in there (I'm in Australia at the moment by the way - more on this to come, I'm sure) no way, no way!

We Feel Fine

I'm sure you've heard about this: We Feel Fine. It's a bizarre website, which lets you know what people are feeling all over the world. It represents each feeling with a coloured dots

It's very hard to explain, just have a look and see for yourself.

Top 6 Christmas Songs

6. Mariah Carey - All I Want For Christmas Is You

Traditionally sung to George on Christmas Eve.



5. Bing Crosby & David Bowie - Little Drummer Boy

Bom bom bom bom...


4. The Pretenders - 2000 Miles

Such a lovely song, shame I can't listen to it very often.



3. Wham - Last Christmas

Loves a bit of Christmas cheese!



2. The Waitresses - Christmas Wrapping (But you can have the Spice Girl's version, because it's not on YouTube!)

The world's smallest turkey, rapping, cranberries - what more could you want!



1. The Pogues - Fairytale of New York

Had to be here, although actually I think I'd put 2000 Miles here if it didn't make me so sad.

Stupid Legs

As I said before, I epilated the other day. Whilst doing it I was thinking "This is awful, I'm never doing this again", but now I'm not entirely opposed to the idea.

Have you ever heard that there's supposed to be a hormone that's released after women give birth that makes them forget about the pain, so they're more likely to have more children? What a fucking misogynistic hormone that is! Anyway, I think this is probably the cause of my stupid change in opinion, and it's probably present a lot more than we think. I'm not sure what the evolutionary advantage of me having lovely legs has got to do with it, but let's ignore that fact. I can think of no other explanation... except stupidity.

Animal Epilating Holiday

Hello there. It's Thursday.



Holiday - Well, sort of. Well, not really. I'm sort of going on a not-really holiday. There will be sun, and I will burn. I will spend lots of money on stupid things and I will eat a lot of terrible, terrible food. Despite this, I get to see my mummy and daddy, so it's not all bad.

Christmas - Oh yes, it's rapidly approaching! I hope you've got all your Christmas shopping done... because I have! Muahahaha

Animals - I have been a variety of animals this week, including: a dinosaur, a snail, a giraffe, a dog, a cat and a reindeer.



Epilating - The necessary evil. Oh, the horror, even my numbed nerves in my legs aren't too happy about the experience.

Packing - Another necessary holiday evil. I wouldn't mind so much if I had actually packed a lot, but I had to jump on my suitcase to close it and I've only packed 7 days worth of clothes and two pairs of shoes - that's it! The rest is presents yet my suitcase is ridiculously heavy.

Leaving - I don't want to go. I like being here, and I hate to think of all the things that will be going on without me that I'm going to miss out on.

Je Crois

I believe in fate, to an extent.

Je crois en destin, jusqu'à un certain point.

I believe in second chances, but not third.

Je crois en le deuxième occase, mais je ne crois pas en le troisième.

I believe in the invisible.

Je crois dans l’invisible.

I believe that some people want to fail.

Je crois que quelques gens veulent manquer.

I believe that horoscopes are usually wrong.

Je crois que l’horoscopes sont habituellement faux.

I believe that potential is limitless, and that most people don’t try hard enough.

Je crois que potentiel est sans limite et plus le gens ne essaient pas assez.

I believe in courtesy.

Je crois en courtoisie.

I believe that all love is conditional.

Je crois que tout l’amour est conditionnel.

I believe in choice.

Je crois en choix.

I believe in goblins.

Je crois en les gobelins.

Can't and Don't

“We can't all, and some just don't. That's all there is to it.”
-- A. A. Milne

La Poitrine De Andy

Si je pourrais-être quelconque chose
Dans le monde qui vole,
Je serais une chauve-souris
Et abattrais sur tu.
Et si le temp que tu a été ici dernier,
Les choses a été bizarre,

Tu sais quoi passé après le nuit,
Quand les serpents perdent sa dépouille et sa cœurs
Et tout les missionnaires perdent leur grume.

Oh, tout les arbres crient à tu
Et tout les feu de venin à tu
Et tout les montagne rocher à tu?

Si je pourrais-être quelconque chose
Dans le monde qui croque,
Au lieu de ocelot avec un dentier sur une laisse,
Je préfère être un cerf-volant
Et attache à le bout de ton cordon
Et vole dans l’air à nuit

Tu sais que ils disent de le grizzli,
Quand tu rases le bébé cheveux…
Tu as un grand grizzli avec l’esprit velu

Et tout les sonailles roulent pour toi
Et les pierres entre en éruption
Et tout le moins cher suceur de sang volent à tu

Andy's Chest

If I could be anything
In the world that flew
I would be a bat and come
Swooping after you
And if the last time you were here
Things were a bit askew

Well, you know what happens after dark
When rattlesnakes lose their skins and their hearts
And all the missionaries lose their bark

Oh, all the trees are calling after you
And all the venom snipers after you
Are all the mountains boulder after you

If I could be any one of the things
In this world that bite
Instead of a dentured ocelot on a leash
I'd rather be a kite
And be tied to the end of your string
And flying in the air at night

'Cause you know what they say about honey bears
When you shave off all their baby hair
You have a hairy minded pink bare bear

And all the bells are rolling out for you
And stones are all erupting out for you
And all the cheap bloodsuckers are flying after you



"And curtains laced with diamonds, dear, for you
And all the Roman noblemen for you."

-- Lou Reed

Nice.

Love Will

It's a question of optimism versus pessimism: which song do you prefer?

Love Will Tear Us Apart - Joy Division



Love Will Keep Us Together - Captain & Tennille



You've got to love a bit of cheese. I'd like to point out that Captain & Tennille are still together 30 years after that song was #1. Optimism FTW, pretty much.

Although I do like a bit of Joy Division... which one do you prefer?

Things To Say

You know how annoying it is when you're in a situation and never know what to say, but then think of the perfect thing to say later? Well, I've devised a plan. This is what I shall say in the following common scenarios:

If David Bowie does something peculiar: "That's pretty freaky, Bowie"

If David Bowie comes to fix our bathroom tap: "That's pretty leaky, Bowie"

If David Bowie eats the last custard cream: "That's pretty cheeky, Bowie"

If David Bowie buys a bamboo chair: "That's pretty tiki, Bowie"

If David Bowie steps on a mouse: "That's pretty squeaky, Bowie"

If a snowman comes to life: "That's pretty freaky, snowy"

Christmas Shopping

Why don't you...

Do some Christmas shopping?

Here's why.

Feminist Graffiti

Feminism FTW.

Sabrina the Christmas Rap

I can't believe it's December already...

I would like to point out that for some reason I must have been a bit deliriously happy because instead of 3 of each, I wrote 3 yays, and then 1 nays and 2 nays that were actually good things... stupidly... oh well, they've been moved. It's an extra-optimistic one this week, to make up for last week!



Essays - I got 2:1s for both my first essays, now let's see how we can get some 1:1s going on... that would be nice. Also, I've just finished the plan for my next essay, which is good so all I need to do now is make up some words and we're hot to trot!

Christmas - It is soon. Within the month, that is. In 21 days, that is. Yep! I've been wearing a santa hat pretty much constantly this week. I intend to continue this festive habit until my hair becomes positively Tina Turner-esque in appearance.

90s Rap - It's all good. I've been washing up today to a bit of De La Soul and Sugar Hill Gang. It's all good. I can ignore the misogynistic slurs, they're some funky songs.

Johnny Depp - Aside from the obvious talents he is an incredibly good actor. I highly recommend 'Benny & Joon' which I have just discovered is on YouTube! The whole film!

Sabrina - George and I have just watched 3 hours of Sabrina. That's right - 3 hours. I know, I know... we're too cool. Happy Bobunk by the way!


Christmas - I will be far away and missing everyone ever-so.

90s Bands

Four Fanastic 90s Bands

1. Catatonia
2. Blur
3. R.E.M
4. The Spice Girls
   

Wayne's Words of Wisdom

No, not that Wayne. Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips!

Here's an article he wrote. Check out what he has to say for himself on the subject of happiness, he's a very interessting and intelligent man.

Also, if you care to listen, here is one of his more fantastic songs, although they're all pretty marvellous. I am a particular fan of 'This Here Giraffe', but here's 'Do You Realize??'

Did you stab...?

Did you know...?

The quickest way to a man's heart is through his ribcage.