How to be Fantastical-Grammatical

I am aware that sometimes I am a grammar fascist. I am also aware that sometimes I get grammar wrong, making me a hypocritical grammar fascist.

I am also aware that the title to this post may be grammatically incorrect, but you’ve got to allow some artistic licence every now and then.

Pissing Apostrophes
Apostrophes should only be used in two cases:
1. A contraction: two words being made into one, e.g. ‘Do not’ becoming ‘Don’t’
2. A possession: e.g. ‘George’s blog’ would have an apostrophe before the ‘s’ because it belongs to George. If the person’s name ends in an ‘s’ already, then the apostrophe can go after the ‘s’ at the end, e.g. ‘Fergus’ hair’.

‘I’ and ‘Me’
The way to tell if you should use ‘I’ or ‘Me’ in a sentence is to remove the other person. For example: “Cissy and I can use grammar” is right, as you can also say, “I can use grammar”. However, “Me and Cissy can use grammar” is wrong, because if you say, “Me can use grammar” then you’ll sound a bit special.

Could of
Some people use the words ‘Could of’ when really they mean ‘Could have’, or even ‘Could’ve’.‘Of’ sounds the same as 'have' (sort of) it's easy to mix them up.

Affect vs. Effect
Effect is a noun. Affect is a verb. You can affect an effect. E.g. “Crazyness is the effect of drinking too much tea” and “Drinking too much tea affects your brain”.

There are many more, of course. If I think of anymore I’ll add them here, but some of them I could have mentioned: “It’s/Its” would just be insulting my lovely blog reader’s intelligence.