Thursday, 1 April 2010


My sincerest apologies for not being alive for the last week or so. I intend to rectify the situation retroactively, indefinitely, and posthumously.

Ok, so what have I been doing, I hear you not asking! Well, very much! I've been baking mostly, this has led me on the typical tangent of reading blogs, except now I am obsessed with cooking blogs. The only problem with these is that I realise how amazing some people are, and I feel the need to improve my skills pretty sharpish. If I intend to be a tearoom co-owner worth her salt (or sugar, in this case) , I shall have to get down on it, as Kool & The Gang would say.

At the moment I would rate my skills as a baker at around 7.5. I'm pretty damn awesome, I'll humbly admit, I even shock myself how delicious some of the crap I make is. I am focusing now mainly on desserts and things of a truly scrumptious nature. However, I have had some mistakes, and I generally don't have a lot of time, money or equiptment to be a perfect 10 but wear a 12. Apron size, that is. Cath Kidson. Floral.

Also, it's quite embarassing going to the same supermarket every few days and buying a mountain of chocolate, butter, cream and sugar. I swear they think I just put it in a big trough and nom it all up for dinner. I know those judgemental looks.

They can fuck off, anyway. Everyone knows the best food is 90% butter - sweet or savoury. The day I successfully make croissants or macaroons is the day I ascend to awesomer than awesomeville. Seriously, it's a godamn science making macaroons, you need a copper pot, temperatures, etc. etc. It's all about ions. Considering my scales are about 25g out either way, I'm simply not equipt for such precise baking. (See next post.) Especially considering the oven might as well be a fucking pile of twigs that we set on fire - I'm willing to bet that it's older than my mother, and she's no spring chicken.

It's become a bit of a mission of mine to make as many desserts as is humanly possible, each more difficult than the next. The top of this triangle of awesomeness are croissants, macaroons, then a step down are napoleons, then lamingtons, and various other desserts all waiting to be conquered. Screw you, lemon merangue pie! Fuck off tart tartin! Bugger off banoffee pie! I totally own your asses! I'm on to greener, more difficult pastures... ganache with panache, and choux poofier than Brighton Pride!

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