Not Being Funny

A phrase which I think should be banned from usage is: "not being funny, but...". It's ridiculous. The only time people ever use this phrase is when they're about to be funny (funny - odd, not funny - haha) or try to be funny (funny - haha, not funny - odd).

I realised this when a drunk fresher came up to me today and said "Oi! Chick*! Not being funny, but my name's John Breakfast". I looked at him, sighed, and said "Oh, go away". The look on his face was priceless. I'm not sure how he expected me to react, but it probably wasn't in the parental 'I'm not angry, I'm just disappointed' way. He walked away looking embarrassed.

The point of this charming and deeply enthralling story being that when people say "Not being funny, but..." it is always when they are about to be funny. Or dickheads.

Just don't say it - you might as well say "I'm going to say something stupid now, but because I've warned you and denied it before beforehand so you're not allowed to be offended". At least it's honest.

The only suitable situation I can think of is when someone might genuinely think you are making some sort of joke, but you are worryingly serious (which is of course what the phrase was probably originally intended for, but it has been bastardised somewhat).

For example, you're in a restaurant eating consume, and your dining partner looks to you worriedly and whispers, "Not being funny, but this soup tastes like piss". Your suspicions about the waiter being confirmed, you regretfully agree.

I hope John Breakfast wasn't his real name.


*Yes, he used the word 'chick', and no, it wasn't in the context of 1994 or a poultry farm.

Feminists Don't Have A Sense Of Humour

Stupid Dances

Four Fucking Stupid Songs People Have Had Their First Dance To

1. Love Will Tear Us Apart (And resentment rides high // But emotions wont grow)
2. Every Breathe You Take (Every vow you break // Every smile you fake // Every claim you stake)
   
3. You Really Got a Hold on Me (You treat me badly // I love you madly)
4. The One I Love (This one goes out to the one I love // This one goes out to the one I left behind // A simple prop to occupy my time)

Cardboard Brain

Mew

As much as I hate to be a feminine cliche and talk about inane stuff like kittens all the time... this video really is incredibly cute.

There's something awfully heartbreaking about noises like this - like when a baby is crying in a public place and everything in your nature is telling you to help them but obviously you can't, weirdo. I want to help the poor kitty... and give him/her a dairylea triangle. Awwwwwwww poor kitten!!

Away We Go

I watched 'Away We Go' earlier. It's hard to explain it, so watch the trailer.



Burt: I’ll always love you. Even if you’re enormous. Even if it takes you months to lose this weight… a year. Even if you gain weight after having the baby. I mean, if you gained so much weight, and I can’t find your vagina…
Verona: Aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Burt: … you go ahead and write that in stone, in your heart. I will love you even if I can’t find your vagina.

I liked that the film was different and the characters were quirky in a believable way, not in your teenage indie sort of way (I'm looking at you, 'Juno'). I liked Burt's beard and that neither of them were staggeringly/distractingly attractive to look at. I liked that it was Verona who refused to get married, and I liked the (loud) use of the word 'c*ntsucker'.

Fantastic, and very funny. I would almost say that I preferred it to '(500) Days of Summer' because the characters weren't creepily like Fergus and I. (I say almost preferred it because Tom won me over with his little dance number. And face.)

But anyway... I would recommend you saw 'Away We Go'. Jolly good film indeed!

Rock / Electropop Gym Playlist

Sarah and I joined the gym a few days ago. We've been a couple of times since then and I've discovered that music is jolly good to listen to. However, a lot of that gym music is really rubbish and especially chavvy, so here's a bit of the playlist that I've found is fun to run to:

Another One Bites the Dust - Queen
Cosmic Girl - Jamiroquai
Date with the Night - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
The Girls - Calvin Harris
Honey - Moby
Hump De Bump - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Juicebox - The Strokes
Let's Make Love and Listen to Death From Above - CSS



Over and Over - Hot Chip
Red Alert - Basement Jaxx
Elvis - These New Puritans



Reptilia - The Strokes
Strict Machine - Goldfrapp
Technologic - Daft Punk
Touch The Sky - Kanye West
We Are Your Friends - Justice vs. Simian

Hall & Oates

When was the last time you felt like this?

Patient & Kind

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.” -- Corinthians

(The only passage I would ever quote from The Bible.)

Fine

Because, as we all know, Ringo is the best.

Ham & Wings

Maybe it’s because I let myself over-think these things. Maybe it’s because I become too involved with the people that create the music I listen to. Maybe I’m just stupid.

I have days when I am grieving for Freddie Mercury in the same gut-wrenching way that I would had I known him personally. I can’t listen to the music, because it means too much. Freddie was just too damn good. I feel as though I knew him personally… along with the other billion people who have listened to his music.

I miss Linda McCartney a lot, too. I feel as if I knew her purely from Wings songs and what my Dad would tell me about her and Paul when I was little. (He was a big Wings fan.) I don’t care what anyone says, ‘Maybe I’m Amazed’ is quite simply a gorgeous song.

Mama Cass has given me a subconscious hatred of ham sandwiches. Don't get me started on Marvin Gaye.

I didn’t even know about these people at the time they died. They could be fictional characters for all I know. It’s irrelevant. It’s the talented and beautiful minds that produce these songs that I’m concerned with - I’m grieving the songs they had yet to create.

For fucks sake Bowie: don’t die!

Mr. Postman

Which do you prefer?

Fifty Fo

Sans

"Je n'ai peur etre seul. J'ai peur etre sans toi."

Le Petit Prince & Les Petit Gens

Le Petit Prince a publié en 1943, mais l'impeccable, c'est que on peut le lire à tout âge et il est toujours très pertinent, grâce à le thèmes universelle. Le langage est simple, parce qu’il est destiné à être lus par des enfants, mais en réalité, c’est un conte philosophique, avec des idées très compliqués et subtiles.

Le mouton dans la caisse est un métaphore pour l’état humain. Le narrateur dit que malheureusement, il ne sait pas voir les moutons a travers les caisses. Il pense il est maintenant un peu comme les grandes personnes, parce que il doit vieillir. Il voit seule la caisse – l’extérieur de les gens. Le écrivain veut dire que les enfants regardent dedans les gens, mais les adultes regardent seul l’extérieur, parce que ils jugent par l’apparence. Ils ont les idées figées.

Le livre exprime l’opinion que c’est ne pas l’âge qui sépare les adultes à les enfants, mais c’est la perspective. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry démontre que le départ entre les adultes et les enfants est la perspective, c’est ne pas l’âge, et j'approuve.

Shakespeare Class

Buttered My Shoes

People’s obsession with living for the weekend really annoys me. Why would you want to spend 5 days out of 7 waiting for two days? Particularly why would you do this if all you plan to do on these days is get shitfaced and with any luck get so drunk you can’t remember what a massive dickhead you were?

For me, a messy weekend is teabags left on the draining board. This is usually because for someone that works in a pub, the weekend is when I work the most. The weekend is nothing to look forward to. In fact, it’s a time to dread. It’s an accepted fact where I work that Saturday nights, (and to a slightly lesser extent, Friday nights) are dickhead nights.

If you are one of those people that look forward to the weekend, I suggest for your own sake that you stop this faux-optimism, and get on the wagon, which will hopefully take you far away from me.

Top 10 Pieces Of Advice

So, I'm a great fan of advice. I like to accumulate all the advice I can before I find myself in a situation in which I have to use it... if that makes any sense. Here are the Top 10 pieces of advice I have found in my searches, and that I would like to think I implement (some of them, anyway) although there are more which I probably can't remember of find right now.

10. "Forget Barbie, she does not possess imagination." - Francesca Lia Block

9. "Don't listen to your father." - My mother

8. “In this life try everything once, except incest and morris dancing” – Sir Thomas Beecham

7. "Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings, they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future." – Baz Luhrmann

6. "Find a someone that really “cares” for you. When love and passion fade, “caring” takes over until they return again." - Annika Harris

5. "Keep Calm and Carry On" - WWII Slogan

4. "Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours." - Baz Luhrmann

3. "Buy the ticket, take the ride" - Hunter S. Thompson

2. "Never spend your money before you have it." - Common sense?

1. "You catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" - My grandmother

Bargainous

I know what you're thinking. ("Sophie, you neglectful whore, why haven't you blogged for nearly a whole week?!") OK, so you're probably not thinking that. It's more likely that you in fact didn't notice that I hadn't blogged for so long, because, like me, you have been making the most of the summer. Good for you.

When I say making the most of I mean working.

Fergus told me to buy a dress that costs £30 the other day when I informed him that the dress I was wearing at the time cost £3, and my shoes £4. I couldn't justify spending that on one piece of clothing that wasn't chain mail or something. I decided that I couldn't be bothered to try clothes on, so made my way to Accessorize.

I bought a pretty little ring because I also realised that I had been working hard and not bought anything nice with the money, so I got this ring, only in black, which I like to think is similar to this ring only prettier because it has a bow! Also, not that anyone cares, but whilst looking for that I discovered that the etoile Tiffany ring I got for my birthday which as discontinued in Australia has been re-continued in the UK only with smaller blue sapphires, making mine even more bargainous! Huzzah.

I also bought a bag of sweet potatoes for 79p today... and the bargains just keep rolling in...