Vintage

Just in case you haven't heard, e.g. you've been living under a bridge shouting at goats, I finished my novel this afternoon. My reward to myself, (which I've just decided) is going to be a vintage dress.

Some women obsess over shoes they can't walk in, some women obsess over handbags so massive they'd topple over if they carried them. My thing is for beautiful vintage dresses that either:

1. Look great on the hanger, but stupid on
2. Have odd stains
3. Don't fit properly

The last one I have major beef with. Yes, that's right - me, a vegetarian having beef. The dresses I like are mostly from the 60s, which is fine. The only problem with the 60s is women seem to have been shaped very differently in those times.

Most dresses are for a 24 or 25 inch waist. Just to put that in perspective for you, that's probably Kate Moss' waist. Now, there's nothing wrong with a little waist, I accept that this was the style at the time. The problem occurs when the dress measurements for a 24 inch waist are paired with a 34 or sometimes even 36 in chest. I mean what the hell? Are these shops making dresses for Jessica Rabbit or something? Because we all know she's a whore. The hips were generally the same size as the chest, so women are expected to be 36-24-36? Fuck off, you'd snap in half!

Marilyn Monroe was 36-23-37... but she was Marilyn Monroe. Most modern women are more like egg timers than hour glasses. Well, the natural ones are, anyway.

It could just be that clothes used to be made to fit properly, and all the dresses I look at happen to have been made for stick insects with massive boobs and hips. Clothes today aren't generally fitted - most people don't know their vital statistics, but just a vague number that varies per shop. I know there were normal sized people in the 60s - I've seen photos, godamn it! The conclusion I have come to is that in the 60s normal sized people didn't wear clothes, or, their clothes have since biodegraded.