Thursday, 7 April 2011


So apparently they’ve suddenly decided that designer tampons are necessary.

‘Ban the bland’ they’re saying – I’m sorry, I didn’t really notice or care. I don’t think anyone noticed, or cared, or gave a tiny mouse’s arse what their knickers look like for a few days a month, especially since the rest of them probably won't look much better. These women need to seriously colour their lives with the chaos of trouble. Yes, I know I'm a loser for using that reference, but fuck you this is my blog, not the fucking indie pretension police. The point is, they need bigger problems in their lives, or maybe just to be uglier.

Anyway, rich women with ugly feminine hygiene products... life is hard. Oh and by the way... why feminine hygiene? Why isn't soap called a hygiene product so overtly? Surely that's more of a hygiene product that something that goes in your pants? It's not dirty - it's the reason you were born you moron!! (I don't actually know who I'm insulting here.)

In my view, the only thing they could add to the design to any sort of period product would either be to integrate one of the following:
  • Some sort of discreet, but painful weapon
  • An intravenous codeine drip
  • Assorted helpful phrases, such as: “Have a kit-kat and shut the fuck up.”, “Bloated? You can’t spell fabulous without ‘bulbous’ my dear!” or maybe just the number for a discreet hitman service.
Somebody get me a sharpie, and a box of Always.

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