Tips

I made over £7 tonight in tips off some scousers, and all I had to do was laugh at their jokes. I can do that, no problem. If all customers were like them, I'd pretend to be the happiest fucking person in the world, and pretend that they were the most interesting fucking person in the world. Or at least the pub.

It's not that I'm not nice to customers in general, I'm a motherfucking delight. But all I'm saying is that if people want to get my attention by giving me money, then that's definitely going to work. If I know someone has tipped me or will tip me, I will pay them a lot more attention than any other customers. I will watch how much drink they have left, and chat with them, laugh at their jokes and suggest places to go. It's the difference between a "thank you" and a smile, and a "thanks very much, have a nice evening" and getting my boobs out. Jokes. No one would pay good money for those, it's all about a beaming grin.

So where does making conversation for money turn into something more whoreish? I suppose it's a matter of opinion or personal integrity, but fuck integrity, I'm poor. These scousers were nice enough and much more polite than the majority of my customers. They gave me enough tips to pay for a taxi home so that some other drunk wanker couldn't attack me. You've got to love humanity sometimes.