Monday, 6 December 2010


Yesterday I ID'd (yes, it's a verb) a guy who was definitely IDable age. He looked about 18 to me.

But oh my gee... was he pissed off about it? Indeedy. The look on his face when I asked him for ID was hilarous, but equally fucking annoying. It was just pure disbelief.

Twat:"What... me? Me? MOI?!"
Me:"Yes you you arrogant little shit, now show me your ID or get the fuck out before I glass you."

No, that's not how the conversation panned out, but that's probably how it should have happened. This is what did happen:

Twat: "Pfft..."
Me: "You better not have been born in the 90s... are you kidding me?!"

Yep, he was born in 1991. I have several things I say to people, depending on their reaction to being ID'd. I'm 21, and I have no aversion to being ID'd: people are just doing their job, if you don't like it, then drink at home. I know people that are 30 that still get ID'd and don't mind, it all depends on whether you're a dickhead or not. So anyway, these are my stock responses if I'm feeling lazy:

Them: "ID? Why?"
Me: "You're in a pub."

Them: "ID? But I'm 20!"
Me: "Oh, well sorry Grampa! Prove it!"

Them: "How old are you?"
Me: "Old enough to be your mother."

Them: "Oh my god, this is the first time I've been ID'd in ages!" (People only ever say this loudly and infront of many friends)
Me: "Don't get out much then?"

Them: "What if I don't have any?"
Me: "Then you don't get a drink."

I have several more, but I can't think of them now. Basically, jumped up students are the second most annoying customers (second to middle aged men), but at least we can swear at them. I won't tell you what a colleague said to a student last night, but it was hilarious and he asked me if she was allowed to say that. I told him she can do whatever she wants.

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