Sunday, 25 July 2010


If I’m angry, it’s for a legitimate reason. If I’m sad, it’s for a legitimate reason. It’s possibly your fault. It is certainly not purely the fault of ‘hormones’.

I’m sorry, but have we gone back to the 1800s where women get accused of being weak and hysterical at the sign of high emotion? Not quite - modern science has allowed us to blame our female emotional whims on tiny little chemical imbalances known as ‘naughty hormones’. This means that we react in a stupid and over the top way, and have crazy emotional outbursts for no reason.

Really? Really?! Fuck you. If someone pisses me off, I’m going to be pissed off, regardless of whether I have crazy hormones or not. Maybe the fact that I'm waving a knife in your face has something to do with you, and whatever shit you've just pulled. Don't blame me for you being a massive dickhead! My reaction is perfectly normal, and not exasperated by the fact that I'm female, and may or may not have differing levels of 'naughty hormones'... notthatit'sanyofyourgodamnbusiness... are you a doctor? No I didn't think so. Twat.

Contrary to popular belief, most women are not more emotional when they have fallen to the communists... or are having their lady times. This is because that most of us are in too much pain to argue, and in some cases even speak. Honestly, most men have no idea. On a particularly bad month, communism can render women unable to walk, eat, or stand. I have fainted and collapsed several times from pain, and I don't have a low pain threshold.

Imagine several hamsters being inside your stomach and trying to claw their way out with their little teeth and claws. All day and night. For several days. That's how it feels after 2 paracetamol and 2 ibuprofen. Or mefenamic and anti-spasmodics for the slightly more hardcore. I should imagine that Sigourney Weaver felt something similar to bad period pains just before that alien burst out of her. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I was walking along one day and an alien burst out of my stomach. If anything, it would explain more than the questions it raised.

Don’t even get me started on how men and women suffer equally because there’s whole levels of female pain that go unnoticed. Physical pain, like armpit epilation. Or hardcore kegels. And you can say that these things are self-inflicted, but let me tell you if your girlfriend stopped doing any of the examples given you’d soon know about it. At least Sigourney was well groomed.

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