Ooh, Swish!

This is a video of 1930s designer's predictions of what we would be wearing now. I don't think they got anything right really, except the bit about men carrying money for 'candies for cuties', but that's really just paedophiles.

Playing With Guns

"People worry about kids playing with guns, and teenagers watching violent videos; we are scared that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands - literally thousands - of songs about broken hearts and rejection and pain and misery and loss."
— Nick Hornby (High Fidelity)

Micucci

Non, Non, Non!

Ca suffit. I think it's physically impossible for someone to learn and speak as much French as I have done in the last 48 hours. Even Celine Dion. It is literally hurting now, I can see why French people are so arsey and lazy all the time, it's ruddy hard work!

I'm so confused, I've begun to think in French but when I do after a while it realises that I don't actually speak French and just implodes.

My brain is about to melt inside my head and dribble out of my ears, forming a massive garlicy puddle around my linguistically confused corpse. "Miam miam!" ... then a French cat will probably eat it and spit it out again because actually, it's not a yummy French brain, it's an English imposter brain (and I was just about to conjugate the word imposter because it ends in an 'er' - it's not even a fucking verb)!!

Last French exam tomorrow. Then my brain is due back in blighty at a similar time to "The Fergs". Tomorrow I intend to speak exclusively in cockney rhyming slang, to make up for lost time... guv'nas!

Je Veux

Je veux dormir quand je devrais, et me lève quand je devrais.

Je ne veux pas avoir quelqu’un qui fait tout le chose que je dis. Je veux avoir quelqu’un qui ferait tout le chose pour moi.

Je veux pouvoir dire “car” et “incontestablement”, mais ne parais pas comme un chiant prétentieux.

Je veux “Je veuxs” avoir.

Je veux être comme cette a jamais.

Je veux mes voisins baisser le musique.

Le Tricotage

Je pense que le tricotage est un chose qui je ferai quand je suis très vieille et fou.



Je tricoterai les tricots hideux pour chacun, et ils devrait le porter parce que je serai trop insensé pour une dispute. "Le mettez, salopes!"

Steal Mars Bars, Kiss Kittens

“Nothing is important, so people, realising that, should get on with their lives, go mad, take their clothes off, jump in the canal, jump into one of those supermarket trolleys, race around the supermarket and steal Mars bars and kiss kittens”

-- Morrissey

Morrissey

Happy Birthday to Mr. Morrissey! He is 50 today! Hooray!



"Vous avez jamais été amoureux jusqu'à vous avez regardé les étoiles reflète dans les réservoirs, et vous été jamais sera amoureux jusqu’à vous avez regardé la aurore, avant le domicile du aveugle."

See You In Tea

This is a poem from James Joyce's Ulysses, I knew I'd seen it somewhere before, but I've been accidentally attributing it to E.E Cummings for some reason. Probably because he sounds like a pervert too.

"If you see Kay,
Tell him he may.
See you in tea,
Tell him from me."

Oi oi... cheeky! Yes, it does have a slight resemblance to a certain Britney song, but as if anyone believed Britney wrote her own songs in the first place.

Read it out loud. Scream it at your cat. Write it across your forehead with a sharpie.

French Ninja

Four Things That I Probably Use More Often Than I Am Aware:

1. Google
2. French words whilst thinking
3. Face wipes
4. Ninja training

Reiterated

A while ago I found this video and I wasn't too interested in it other than thinking it was quite cool. Then I decided I wanted to show it to Kirsty, so now I'm putting it on my blog.



It's all about Disney re-using bits of animation for their films. The question being: does anyone care?

I do like the music, however. It makes me want to dance like it's 1939.

Update: Fergus has just informed me that if I were a Disney character, I would be the chicken from 'Robin Hood'. Thanks!

Trippy Alice

Are you ready for something motherfucking trippy?

Click here.

Sleepy

I thought this was cool.

Sexist Graph

Why not start your day with a healthy amount of sexism?

Ps. This is my 500th blog post!

Bowie for Vittel

Beautiful Little Fool

"That's the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool."

-- The Great Gatsby

Chinese

"I don't want anything more
Than to see your face when you open the door
You'll make me beans on toast and a nice cup of tea
Then we'll get a chinese and watch TV..."

Bears

That's Three

"I only get five words? Shit, that was five. Four more there. That’s three. Two."

-- David Bowie

This was his acceptance speech at the 2007 Webby Awards, where you are famously only allowed to use 5 words.

Overheard #16

Male Student #1: Buh!
Male Student #2: Buuuuuuuh!
Male Student #3: BAH-BAH-BAH-BOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUAAAAAHHHHHHH!!
(All three laugh inanely)
#1: Hahaha... oh man... I've been a student for too long.

Overheard #15

Loser #1: Yeah, like my sister is way cooler than me.
Loser #2: Oh my god, really? But you're really cool.
#1: Yeah, I know, I'm really cool, but my sister is like even cooler than that.
#2: Wow, she must be really cool.

Genderliscious

I'm currently writing an analysis of 'Some Like It Hot' and 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes' in relation to gender...



"I need some chappy to make me happy
And he don't have to be Hercules
Don't anyone know about birds and bees?
Aint there anyone here for love?"

... doesn't look too difficult. Jane Russell was obviously the Calvin Harris of her day. Oh, the homoeroticism! Those swimming costumes really just aren't cricket.

The Fratellis

Who remembers The Fratellis?



I know they're not exactly has-beens, but where the hell have they gone? Oh well, it's not exactly a massive loss to the music industry, but Whistle For The Choir was an awesome song, hearing it again makes me love this song all over again.

Swine Flu

"90 people get the swine flu and everybody wants to wear a mask. A million people have AIDS and no one wants to wear a condom."

Very true... but if you get raped by a pig, you're really screwed.

Mara Wilson

Bit of a theme this week: nostalgia!

Whatever happened to that little girl that was in all those kids films in the 90s? You know, Matilda, and all that good stuff...

Well, it turns out her name is Mara Wilson, and she is now 21 years old. Yes. 21 years old and studying Drama in New York. I assumed she'd stay about 11 forever. Oh me oh my. Just a bit of information for you there, I found it rather interesting, even if you didn't.

Ukey John

He loves it! The ukey slag!

Medieval

"Look inside, look inside your tiny mind
Then look a bit harder
'Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired
Of all the hatred you harbor

So you say it's not okay to be gay
Well, I think you're just evil
You're just some racist who can't tie my laces
Your point of view is medieval

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause we hate what you do
And we hate your whole crew
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much
'Cause your words don't translate
And it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch"

Overheard #14

Student #1: I'm so hungry, all I've eaten today is a tin of syrup.
Student #2: Syrup?
#1: Yeah, you know, like those green Lyons ones.
#2: You sick fuck.

McCartney

Who knows how long I've loved you
You know I love you still
Will I wait a lonely lifetime?
If you want me to, I will.

If I ever saw you
I didn't catch your name
But it never really mattered
I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever
Love you with all my heart
Love you whenever we're together
Love you when we're apart.

And when at last I find you
Your song will fill the air
Sing it loud so I can hear you
Make it easy to be near you
For the things you do endear you to me
Oh, you know, I will
I will.

-- The Beatles

M'aidez

It's the first of May. May-Day. M'aidez.