Naff Song, Nice Song

It's like 'Can't Cook, Won't Cook', only Neil Diamond's getting in on the action. ...Whatever happened to 'Can't Cook, Won't Cook'? Did Ainsley Harriot get too old to shimmy? And why was it called that, because they seemed to do a lot of cooking to me!

These songs are all utterly naff-tacular, but they're also awesome-tacular.

1. Come on Eileen - Dexy's Midnight Runners



"We are much too young and clever."

2. Hi Ho Silver Lining - Jeff Beck



Various clips of Obama to Hi Hi Silver Lining - it's got to be done.

3. Sweet Caroline - Neil Diamond

DUH DUH DUUUUUUHHHHHH...!!

4. Faith - George Michael



I have ridiculous memories of listening to this song whilst doing my paper round on cold Sunday mornings.

5. Bad Case Of Loving You - Robert Palmer

6. We Didn't Start The Fire - Billy Joel



7. Easy Lover - Phil Collins



8. Crocodile Rock - Elton John



ELTON JOHN ON THE MUPPETS DRESSED LIKE CARMEN MIRANDA'S FEATHER DUSTER. YES.

8. Robert De Niro's Waiting - Bananarama



...Talkin' Italian.

10. Tell Her About It - Billy Joel



Utterly fabulous. One of the best song writers in the history of the world. With such good advice, it's rather worrying that he's been divorced three times.

Honourable mention goes to the entire Savage Garden catalogue, but I just couldn't face listening to their godamn whining today, or most other days for that matter.

Red Two

Plate Spinning

I have decided that if I was really rich, this is what I would do:

I would go to a really fancy restaurant and ask for a table which is on the small side. Then I would order lots and lot food on big plates. Once the food had arrived, I wouldn't eat it - I would just look at it, and then order more and more food to look at. Much more food than could fit onto this tiny little table! I would then laugh hysterically as the fancy waitors had to work out how to fit all these plates onto this tiny little table, whilst ordering more things on massive plates, and refusing to move due to the fabulous feng shui.

Mug Perfection

I am a simple girl of simple pleasures. Nothing compares to the pure joy of finding that perfect mug from which to drink your tea.

I purchased such a mug today, and am currently drinking a cup of tea from it. I can only describe the experience as a motherfucking delight. Whoever designed this mug is the next Brunel, I'm sure of it. They've cracked the code - but not the ceramic.

Here is a link to such a mug. I'm hoping that Matalan will now send me 50 mugs for free, as I intend on refusing to drink from anything else in the future.

True

So I've not done this whole blog thing for a while, and I can't tell you why.

If I told you why, I'd have to kill you. That's why. If I told you the real reason you wouldn't believe me. Basically, it's got something to do with all of the following:

- Jam
- 'Hungry Hungry Hippos'
- Chair Legs
- Badminton
- Tchaikovsky
- Icebergs
- Iceberg Lettuce
- The Human Anatomy
- Welsh

The real reason I can't tell you why is that there is no reason, I'm just shit. But a very busy shit, so don't expect the same level of vapid balderdash.