Lily Allen

I usually ignore Lily Allen, and I tried to when her new album came out, but by George I tell you she's got a few darn good songs on there!

She's lost a lot of the chavvy and annoyingness and is now more Kate Nash-esque, only with better music. Ok, so I'll admit she's still a bit chavvy and annoying but I think that's just how she is. I liked 'The Fear' and her new song 'Not Fair' is pretty hilarious too.



Lollerskates. Too much bronzer going on there.

Also, just found this song, which is pretty crap to be honest, but it features the chorus "I could be your fag hag, and you could be my gay" so it's still good.

Gentlemen Prefer Tea

Four Things I Do To Cheer Myself Up

1. Listen to tacky 90s music
   
2. Sleep
3. Watch 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'
   
4. Look up pictures of baby animals and go "awww...!"

An honourable mention goes to: 'Have a cup of tea'.

Easter...

... means...

bunnies!!

Laineux Yeux

Dessine-moi un mouton…
Avec une perruque peut-etre.
Ou un grenouille porte un chapeau,
Ou un singe sur un gâteau,
Ou un poisson avec un cadeau,
Et je monterai-toi un animal ridicule également.

Puis laisses les étoiles
S’accrocher à ton tête et tes doigts
Mais ne pas à ton yeux -
C’est difficile voir
Quand vous avez les yeux trop étincelant
Ou les laineux yeux.

Dessine-moi un mouton
Ou un peintre daltonien,
Ou un monstre qui est bien,
Ou un chouette qui pense rien,
Et regardes un créature nés à suivre.
Dessine-moi un mouton,
Mais ne le sois pas.

Je me demande si quelqu'un prenne la temp de traduire ca. Peut-être pas.

Thou Shalt Always Kill

Thou shalt not steal if there is direct victim.
Thou shalt not worship pop idols or follow lost prophets.
Thou shalt not take the names of Johnny Cash, Joe Strummer, Johnny Hartman, Desmond Decker, Jim Morrison, Jimi Hendrix or Syd Barret in vain.
Thou shalt not think that any male over the age of 30 that plays with a child that is not their own is a paedophile… some people are just nice.
Thou shalt not read NME.
Thall shalt not stop liking a band just because they’ve become popular.
Thou shalt not question Stephen Fry.
Thou shalt not judge a book by it’s cover.
Thou shalt not judge Lethal Weapon by Danny Glover.
Thall shalt not buy Coca-Cola products. Thou shalt not buy Nestle products.
Thou shalt not go into the woods with your boyfriend’s best friend, take drugs and cheat on him.
Thou shalt not fall in love so easily.
Thou shalt not use poetry, art or music to get into girls’ pants. Use it to get into their heads.
Thou shalt not watch Hollyoakes.
Thou shalt not attend an open mic and leave before it’s done just because you’ve finished your shitty little poem or song you self-righteous prick.
Thou shalt not return to the same club or bar week in, week out just ’cause you once saw a girl there that you fancied but you’re never gonna fucking talk to.

Thou shalt not put musicians and recording artists on ridiculous pedestals no matter how great they are or were.
The Beatles - Were just a band.
Led Zepplin - Just a band.
The Beach Boys - Just a band.
The Sex Pistols - Just a band.
The Clash - Just a band.
Crass - Just a band.
Minor Threat - Just a band.
The Cure - Just a band.
The Smiths - Just a band.
Nirvana - Just a band.
The Pixies - Just a band.
Oasis - Just a band.
Radiohead - Just a band.
Bloc Party - Just a band.
The Arctic Monkeys - Just a band.
The Next Big Thing - Just a band.

Thou shalt give equal worth to tragedies that occur in non-english speaking countries as to those that occur in english speaking countries.
Thou shalt remember that 'guns', 'bitches' and 'bling' were never part of the four elements and never will be.
Thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music, thou shalt not make repetitive generic music.
Thou shalt not pimp my ride.
Thou shalt not scream if you wanna go faster.
Thou shalt not move to the sound of the wickedness.
Thou shalt not make some noise for Detroit.
When I say “Hey” thou shalt not say “Ho”.
When I say “Hip” thou shalt not say “Hop”.
When I say, he say, she say, we say, make some noise - kill me.
Thou shalt not quote me happy.
Thou shalt not shake it like a polaroid picture.
Thou shalt not wish your girlfriend was a freak like me.
Thou shalt spell the word “Pheonix” P-H-E-O-N-I-X not P-H-O-E-N-I-X, regardless of what the Oxford English Dictionary tells you.
Thou shalt not express your shock at the fact that Sharon got off with Bradley at the club last night by saying “Is it”.
Thou shalt think for yourselves.

But most importantly of all... thou shalt always kill.

Free Drinks

I was bought two drinks by customers today - one because he'd just been paid, and the other because I told the bloke next to him to "fuck off then" because we had a disagreement on what a double measure was and he found it funny. Anyway, in this situation, here are...

Four Things I Will Drink

1. Sailor Jerry's & Coke
2. Archers & Lemonade
3. Guinness & Black
   
4. Gin & Tonic

Ps. What the fuckety fuck fuck...? It's April! April people!!

Cheap, Rude Croissants

Oh yeah... I remembered... and it's on a Thursday, like it's supposed to be!


Fergus - Fergus is back! Tomorrow! Within a matter of hours! I don't think I really need anymore yays, this totally tops them all, and makes all of the nays disappear.

Croissants - You know when you really feel like eating a certain type of food and then you get to eat it and it's awesome? I have just had such an experience with a croissant.

Being Cheap- The recession has meant that being stingy isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm not cheap, I'm a frugalista, goddamnit!

Rudeness - Less rudeness, more chavviness. There's no need for it.

Sleep Patterns - Mine is seriously buggered up.

Drugs - Not big and not clever.