Overheard #38

Me: Did you know it's 'International Women's Day?'
Colleague: No. I did know it's pie week!
Me: I think that's a big part of the problem. People know more about pies than they do about women.
Customer: I don't know anything about women. I just let them have my children and I look after them.

If ever there was a moment for a facepalm.

Overheard #37

In the girl's toilet of a gay club.

Girl Looking For Friend in Cubicle: Hannah?!
Gay Bloke Coming Out of Cubicle: No love I'm not Hannah, but I am gay.

Overheard #36

Child: How old are you?
Me: Twenty two.
Child: Wow! That's really old. You're almost as old as my mum, she's forty.
Me: ...thanks.

Overheard #35

Drunk Girl: "I've killed a horse! That's much bigger than a pheasant!"

Overheard #34

Student #1: You use too many big words.
Student #2: That depends if you mean words with many syllables, or words with large concepts.
Student #1: ...Your mum's got large concepts.

Naomi

Stupid Woman: 'Naomi House', isn't that for kids with learning difficulties?
Stupid Woman's Friend: No, I think it's a hospice.
Stupid Woman: Oh yeah, that's what I meant.

Overheard #33

Student #1: I can't drink beer, I'm allergic to bread.
Student #2: Oh my God! How do you eat sandwiches?!

Overheard #32

Woman #1: (Woman #2's Mum) hasn't got a bit of cellulite on her
Man: What not even in her underwear?!
Woman #2: ...I take loads of pictures of my Mum in her underwear...

Overheard #31

Me: You never tell me I’m pretty.
Mum: Oh, I used to… then you got old and ugly.

Overheard #30

Bloke #1: Look at the state of you! Did your mother dress you this morning?
Bloke #2: No... yours did.

Overheard #29

Bloke: I'd pretty much shag anyone.
Girl: Stevie Wonder?
Bloke: Yeah, blatantly, because he wouldn't know who was doing it.

Overheard #28

Rod Stewart: [singing] Wake up Maggie...
Bloke: ... you lazy bitch!

Overhear #27

Drunk Guy's Friend #1: "You should go ask that girl for her number, go on, get her attention..."
Drunk Guy: "BOOBIES!"

Overheard #26

Bloke #1: How many midgets does it take to change a lightbulb?
Bloke #2: ...four?
Bloke #1: ... ... ... yeah, I reckon.

Overheard #25

Young Bloke #1: It's all about scented toilet paper.
Young Bloke #2: ...What is?
Young Bloke #1: My life.

Overheard #24

Bloke (to another bloke): Nah, she's a slag. That's what I'm going to teach my son - there's women that you shag, there's women that you marry, and there's women that you push off cliffs. That's why the game was invented.

Overheard #23

Girl #1: Tell you what though, I had a really vivid dream about giving birth last night.
Girl #2: Did you wake up with a baby in your bed?

Overheard #22

Bloke: I was once with a girl who wanted me to wee on her... but I said I couldn't go when people are looking.

Overheard #21

Student: Really? Well, apparently you haven't been on milf.com!

Overheard #20

Bloke: I'm sorry mate, but you've got to stay positive... *grins and gives thumbs up* ... HIV positive!
Friend: What?
Bloke: I'm sorry.