Listening

Continuing the school theme of this week, here's...

Four Things I've Mostly Been Saying Today

1. "Mrs __ is talking, you need to be listening."
2. "What should you be doing?/What have you just been asked to do?"
3. "Was that a sensible thing to do?"
4. "Put it away, I don't want to see it again."

#4 is in reference to both lego and arses.

Oh, And Milo

Four Names 80% Of Children At School Have

1. Ava
2. Eva
3. Isla
4. Alfie

Dinner

Four Things I Am Waiting For

1. The internet
2. The phone line
3. My bed
4. Dinner

Guess Hans

Four Questions To Ask When Playing 'Guess Who' Drunk

1. Does he have ginger pubes?
2. Does he like crisps?
3. Is he German?
4. Did he steal my pint?

Shouldn't, But Is

Four Things it is not shouldn't be my job to do

1. Break up fights
   
2. Remind people how to behave in public
   
3. Tell people when they've had enough to drink
4. Read minds
   

Regulars

Four reasons that 'The Regulars' in a pub are called 'Regulars'

1. They are in the pub regularly
2. They are regular (as in, normal) - the usual regular is your run of the mill old bloke. Normal 'Regular' hobbies include: football, fishing, beer, cars, violence towards both men and women
3. They are regular (in toilet terms) - don't ask me how I know this.
4. I regularly have this exact conversation with any one of them:

Regular: Sophie! How are you?
Me: Hello! I'm good thanks, how are you?
Regular: Oh, I'm much better for seeing you, darlin'
Me: (Feigning surprise and enthusiasm) Thanks!

Equipt

Four pieces of equipment that would make baking much better

1. An oven which has specific temperatures rather than 'on', and 'off'
2. Digital/accurate scales
3. A candy thermometer
4. More than one mixing bowl

Sings

Four observations on The Beatles

1. Paul sings anthems.
2. John sings mantras.
3. Ringo sings nursery rhymes.
4. George sings badly.

Barmaid

Four Reasons The Barmaid Hates You

1. You don't know how or what to order
   
2. You look like a wanker/druggie
3. You're on your phone whilst being served
   
4. You're playing pub golf (see: look like a wanker)
   

Proper Tea

Four Things Eliza Doolittle Looks For In A Property

1. A room
2. Somewhere
3. Far away from the cold night air
4. One enormous chair
   

For Nigella

4 Things Nigella Lawson Has Taught Me

1. Some people are simply blessed with sickeningly good genes
2. How to make an easy and ridiculously strong appletini
3. Putting a knife through a baked potato when you bake it means it will cook more evenly
   
4. How to be a lazy whore
   

Preference

Four Beatles in Order of Preference

1. Ringo
2. Paul
3. John
4. George

Stupid Dances

Four Fucking Stupid Songs People Have Had Their First Dance To

1. Love Will Tear Us Apart (And resentment rides high // But emotions wont grow)
2. Every Breathe You Take (Every vow you break // Every smile you fake // Every claim you stake)
   
3. You Really Got a Hold on Me (You treat me badly // I love you madly)
4. The One I Love (This one goes out to the one I love // This one goes out to the one I left behind // A simple prop to occupy my time)

Contextualised

Four Things I've Done This Week Out Of Context

1. Given a man an envelope with a teabag in it.
2. Considered calling the police.
   
3. Run into Superdrug, 'borrowed' some hairspray, and run out again.
   
4. Waved a spoon in a drunk woman's face and said "Does this look like a key to you?!"

C'est Chic!

Four Fun Things To Do Whilst Waiting For The Kettle

1. Preemptively chose your biscuits
2. Practice moonwalking
3. Have mug boobs, and show a friend
4. Air-bass guitar the song Le Freak by Chic

Disinterested Nazi Slug

Four Scary Things In My House At The Moment

1. Kitchen Slug
2. My disinterest in sleeping
3. Very very old, unopened yogurt
4. Nazi Ghost

Fish, Vinegar & Honey

4 Things I Learnt At University This Year

1. The more interested people are in themselves, the less interesting they are to other people.
2. You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar… if you’re into that kind of thing.
3. Little fishes in big ponds have potential, big fishes in little ponds sink and rot.
4. It’s always better to be inappropriate than boring, even disgustingly so.

French Ninja

Four Things That I Probably Use More Often Than I Am Aware:

1. Google
2. French words whilst thinking
3. Face wipes
4. Ninja training

Bee-Zay

4 Awesome French Swear Words

1. Putain (Meaning: whore - pronounced 'pu-ten')
   
2. Cul (Meaning: arse - pronounced 'kool')
   
3. Nichons (Meaning: boobs - pronounced 'nee-shons)
   
4. Baiser (Meaning: to shag - pronounced 'bee-zay', as in, "Let's get bee-zay!")
   

Gentlemen Prefer Tea

Four Things I Do To Cheer Myself Up

1. Listen to tacky 90s music
   
2. Sleep
3. Watch 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'
   
4. Look up pictures of baby animals and go "awww...!"

An honourable mention goes to: 'Have a cup of tea'.